Rewind
by SingingBlues
Summary: After severely hit by an Akuma, Allen was left with no memory - not even remembering his own name. Kanda could no longer see him in the same way he should - when he was the main cause of it, and a possibility that he might be gone forever. Yullen.
1. Forgotten

**Title: Rewind**

**Rated: T**

**Genre: Angst/Romance**

Summary: After severely hit by an Akuma, Allen was left with no memory - not even remembering his own name. Kanda could no longer see him in the same way he should - when he was the main cause of it, and a possibility that he might be gone forever. Yullen.

_**Edit: Guys, you all might be wondering why there is a note here. _**This is the new version of this chapter.**_ I have resubmitted this chapter because I found some mistakes which need to be corrected in order for me to continue this story. I only amended some parts, so the storyline will not change much from the previous one. Enjoy, and review if you want, if you want to clarify with me or simply comment on it. I have finished the second chapter, and will be posting very soon :)**_

_**Please note that this fic is semi-AU, which means there will be spoilers up to the current manga chapters.  
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* * *

><p><em>Despair is anger with no place to go. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960<em>

**Chapter 1: Forgotten**

_"Kanda..."_

_He was out of breath, staring at a silver-haired figure standing in front of him. That eyes stared at him, before a smile lit on his face._

_"Kanda..."_

_His eyes widened. Blood slowly seeped through his head and streamed down the sides of his face, slowly dripping onto the ground. The crimson liquid made its way to his nose and his parted lips, painting everything in its redness. And that person was still smiling. _

_His body started to shake. It was starting to crumble inside. That grey eyes which were once bright and once clear started to dim, clouded by darkness and emptiness. The wind blew, taking some drops of the blood away, but more were flowing down, almost endless. _

_Even so, he was still smiling._

_He opened his mouth, wanting to shout, wanting to scream out loud to that moron and that bastard for doing this upon himself, but nothing came out of his mouth. He wanted to reach out and wipe away that disgusting blood off his face. The colour of red did not suit him at all. A clean and clear white suited him more than anyone, but he couldn't do so. He couldn't do anything._

_"No...no, no, no! No, you cannot be doing this to yourself! No!" _

_Many memories of him replayed in his mind, but no matter how he tried to avoid, it would always return back to the reality that he was seeing with his own eyes. He could only see redness staining everything; the trees, the ground, the river and the water. And the person whom he hated so much yet..._

_"No! You cannot do this to me! You can't!"_

_Silver eyes softened, as he shook his head gently. _

_He stared at him, horrified._

_"Does it matter?" At those words, that terrified heart of his sank down deep to the bottom. They stung him slightly, and painfully. They sounded so distant, as if he was going away and never coming back. His breath hitched as he glared at him hardly, giving him a warning like he always did if he had done something which pissed him off. He gritted his teeth, so hard that his gums started to bleed. He knew all of these was entirely ridiculous, that someone like him wouldn't feel so much for someone, especially that beansprout. He knew he was just being stubborn and did not want to admit to anything in regards to him. _

_But, he did not want him to leave. No, he couldn't leave. Not without his permission. _

_"Whatever. You still hate me, till the very end..." Allen let out a soft laughter as silver eyes slowly closed._

_He couldn't let him leave just like that._

_"ALLEN!"_

Kanda's eyes snapped open, breathing heavily as he stared at the ceiling hardly, as if something was going to fall onto his face this instant. His chest heaved up and down as he took a few deep breaths, before he slowly sat up, realising that it was all nothing but a dream...

_Kanda..._

His eyes widened for a second at that hollow voice whispering at his ear. The raven-haired teen got up immediately and grabbed Mugen by the table, pulling the sword out and turned to the direction where the voice came from. The translucent curtains fluttered lightly as the morning wind entered from the windows which was opened since yesterday. Even so, he was so flustered and so irritated by this. No matter what he had done, it just couldn't get off his mind and disrupted everything he once had.

He closed his eyes, and repeated himself. This was all a dream. It was all a dream, and everything would end now. He would forget everything, and lived on with his life. It was just a dream different from the others. A dream...

_Whatever. You still hate me._

"Kanda, Allen has finally woke up!" A shout was heard from the golem. The grip slowly loosened, as the sword fell from his hand and landed on the floor with a loud, hollow clang. His heart contracted painfully at those words and the memories which would not lie to him.

This was not a dream.

It was real.

* * *

><p>Lenalee dropped the books she was holding, stunned completely on the spot. Lavi could not believe what he had heard as well. Bookman just stopped what he was reading, looking up at the black golem which had transmitted Komui's announcement.<p>

The olive-haired girl threw everything aside and ran out of the library, the door slamming shut behind her. She continued to sprint at full speed towards the infirmary, wanting to confirm what her brother had said earlier. As she rushed through the crowd and apologised on the way, she finally saw the infirmary with her very eyes. She ran towards the door and pushed hardly.

"Lenalee, please do not run inside the infirmary!" The Head Nurse heard the loud commotion from the entrance, but Lenalee did not hear a word that she said, her mind preoccupied by her brother's words. She turned right and ran along the corridor, before she turned to the last room and opened.

"Lenalee?" Komui turned around, startled by the sudden noise. The doctors and nurses were surrounding the bed, analysing the latest result of the patient. Lenalee couldn't care less, as she went up to her brother who was standing at the side of the patient's bed.

"How is it, nii-san? How's Allen-kun?" Lenalee asked quickly, catching her breath at the same time.

"Calm down, Lenalee. The doctors and nurses are still checking on his current condition -"

"But Allen-kun has slept for over six months! How can I calm down at this kind of situation?" Lenalee exclaimed. At this time, the doctors and nurses were getting away from the bed, giving her a better look at the silver-haired boy. Lenalee peered closely, a smile gradually appearing on her face when she saw Allen sitting up on the bed, awake. But soon, the smile slowly faltered.

"Nii-san, what...what happened to Allen?" Komui looked away, deciding not to answer his sister. The doctors just patted the supervisor's shoulders gently, before they left the room. Silence filled the whole place, no one saying anything for a few minutes.

"Allen-kun has finally woke up, but...he has lost all his memories, including his past with Mana. He can't even...even remember his own name," Komui murmured softly. Lenalee just sank down on the chair, shocked at the news. She had been waiting for him for so long, and yet this was the outcome that he should have in the end?

"No..."Lenalee stifled and began to weep, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. Komui stood there, unsure on whether he should go over to his sister and comfort her. It was a painful truth which they had to accept from the start. It was already so lucky that Allen was able to survive after the war, yet they had to be prepared that Allen would return with permanent injuries that could never be healed.

"How's Allen?" Now, it was Lavi who entered the room. But judging by the heavy atmosphere inside, he assumed that he should prepare for the worst. The redhead slowly walked up to Komui.

"Komui, what is Allen's current condition?" Hearing no reply from Komui, Lavi was about to ask Lenalee when he caught a slight glimpse of Allen. His eyes just widened in astonishment at what he was seeing.

The silver-haired teen's eyes were dull and empty. He seemed to be in a dazed, looking everywhere in confusion, wondering where he was, and why he was here. His friends were here, yet he did not look at them and greet them with that familiar smile on his face. He just stared blankly ahead, not recognising any one of them. Lenalee sobbed before she broke down, turning around and hugged Lavi lightly by his shoulders. As she cried, she felt a slight tug by her uniform. She turned around, only to see Allen staring back at her with innocent eyes.

"Why are you crying?" He asked. Lenalee's eyes widened, and at that moment, she felt her whole heart shattering into pieces.

* * *

><p>Kanda was sitting at the side of the training room, looking at the greenery outside silently. There was some commotion about a certain person who had woken up, but he did not bother to go and check it out. Komui had contacted him via golem about his current condition, yet he did not want to get up. He did not want to see him. Did he have a reason to see him?<p>

He breathed out slowly as he played with his white bracelet at his wrist. His bare foot moved across the wooden floor slightly, making a soft screeching sound. The bell attached to the ceiling was jingling softly as the breeze blew by. He leaned his head against the opened doors, feeling a little exhausted. It wasn't surprising though. He had only been killing people again and again for years. Akumas or not, they were all the same.

His heart wrenched slightly. Was it because of the sudden coldness that invaded inside him?

No, it wasn't. He had a feeling it wasn't.

His loose pants brushed across his skin lightly. The surrounding was so peaceful, tranquil and quiet. It was just a perfect place for him. There was no noises, no irritating chats, nothing. There would be no one coming here to pester him about missions or whatsoever. Kanda sighed as he closed his eyes.

_Kanda!_

His eyes snapped open immediately, his body jerking forward so hardly that he almost fell forward onto the ground. Kanda controlled himself, his eyes still widened in shock at what he was exactly doing. It was stupid, or rather, ridiculous to be thinking of such..._things_, yet he could not seem to push that thought away. That particular thought which had been haunting him ever since Allen took that entire blow for him.

_I'm glad that you...are okay._

That guy was still smiling at the very end, his heart always worrying for someone instead of himself. And because of that, the feelings towards him was guilt and more guilt. Sure, his pride as a samurai was hurt as well, but at that time, what he was only concerned on was whether he was alright. It wasn't...a playing matter when one took the whole blow from a level four Akuma. At that time, he was supposed to slap that boy as punishment for being a busybody, yet he didn't.

"Shit," Kanda muttered, clenching his hands into fists. Why was he making extra frustrations for himself? Was he too free, having nothing to do? Yet, he couldn't forget that face expression he showed to him before he closed his eyes for almost an eternity. He looked happy. Damn, that fucking beansprout actually looked _happy. _He was happy that he was alright. He was happy that he took the blow for him.

Damn. Kanda ran his fingers through his hair, hissing lowly. He had been sitting here for the few hours since the last announcement was announced. He should be the one going to infirmary and see for himself. Yet he was hiding here, not wanting to be noticed. Was he acting like a coward? Was he afraid to see the truth and not being able to handle it? His guilt towards Allen...had to stop. There was simply no way to continue on like this. He must put an end to it.

He got up and slowly walked out of the training room. He realised that he was walking slower than usual, his feet getting heavier as he stepped forward. He was fidgeting more than usual, to his astonishment. His eyes looked around, not daring to see people straight in their eyes.

He was afraid? Afraid of the heavy consequences which he had to accept, which would increase the guilt towards him? Kanda snorted at that. There was no way he was going to feel like this. After all, he was him. He did not give a damn on how others felt. He only cared for himself, that was all.

The infirmary was right in front of his eyes. He could see Krory and Miranda at the entrance, their face expressions unsure on whether they wanted to go inside. Some Finders were also crowding there, whispering among themselves. Kanda frowned in silence, wondering whether he should step up and enter. He wasn't sure whether he was making the right choice or not. Should he go in and visit that weak and hopeless Moyashi? He could state a million reasons on why he should not go in, yet something was stopping him from leaving.

"Kanda-kun?" Miranda asked, staring in his direction. The others had heard as well and turned, staring rather incredulously at the raven-haired Exorcist standing a distance away. Kanda hissed in annoyance, realised that he was discovered. That woman did not need to call him right? And what exactly was he doing? Was he scared over them? Hell, as if it would! He scoffed to himself and walked towards them.

"Are you visiting Allen as well?" Krory asked in curiosity. They were probably thinking that a miracle had happened, because it was nearly impossible for him to come and visit Allen for himself. He knew that himself as well, yet he couldn't stop his mind from thinking about him and couldn't stop his body from moving here. And since he was here, he couldn't just do nothing and go back. It would hurt his pride.

Kanda pushed the door and went inside, with Krory and Miranda following him behind. After asking a nurse for directions, they were walking along the corridor to the last room. The raven swordsman gripped his sword tightly, feeling his nervousness gradually rising. For what reason was he getting nervous about? He felt the tips of his finger, his heart pounding hardly on his chest as he was approaching the room. As he was in front of the door, Kanda stopped and took a deep breath slowly. Controlling his hand which was slightly shaking, he turned the doorknob.

"Yuu?" He opened the door, seeing Lavi and Lenalee inside. Komui probably had other things to do and left. Kanda paused for a moment, wondering what atmosphere this was. It seemed so cold and heavy. Wasn't it great that Allen had finally woke up? His mind was finding answers, when he got a glimpse of the silver-haired teen on the bed. Immediately, he froze, his eyes widened and his heart almost stopped beating.

"What...is this?" After a few seconds, he managed to say something out of his lips. Lenalee could not hold on anymore and broke down again. Lavi was showing a grimaced look on his face, while Miranda and Krory just stood at the side, not uttering anything. Shock turned to anger as he stomped up to the front of the bed, staring angrily at the silver-haired teen who had no idea what was happening inside this room.

"I said, what happened to him? What happened to this Moyashi?" Kanda demanded, his finger pointing at Allen's chest.

"Yuu, calm down!" Lavi said.

"How could I calm down when...when this happens?" Kanda hissed in a fluster. No matter how he looked at this, it was so obvious that Allen looked so different than usual. He might look fine, but he just knew something was wrong here.

"It's not your fault this happens! Accidents do happen -"

"Accidents?" Kanda scoffed in disbelief. Everyone stared at him in astonishment, bewildered on what he meant. The raven swordsman sighed and felt his hurting forehead, the pain hammering cruelly into his head. Everything was not an accident! He was the one who did this to him. He was the one who couldn't avoid this to happen. He...was the one who needed Allen to do the saving, and now because of that, Allen ended up like this. It was his fault, and the worse was, there was nothing he could do.

Till when would he be able to forget this guilt and move on?

"It wasn't an accident!"

"What do you mean?" Lenalee asked, staring at Kanda.

"Do you know why I only suffer minor cuts and bruises, when all of you have deep cuts and severe wounds? Do you know why?" Lavi's eyes gradually widened at his sentence, but he chose not say a word, probably not wanting to affirm his thoughts.

"Don't tell me..." Miranda's voice trailed off.

"Yes! This bastard shielded me! When I was able to cover myself, he shielded me from the attack! It was unnecessary! Yet this bastard here thinks that it was just nothing and just made his own decision so easily!"

"Kanda, don't say that so loudly in front of Allen!" Lenalee cried. Miranda sobbed softly while Krory comforted her silently. Kanda turned towards Allen, thinking that the Moyashi might have slight reaction to it, when he received no reply from the other. He turned and saw the faded colour in his eyes and the blank expression that the silver-haired teen made. Sapphire eyes widened in shock as realisation dawned upon him hardly.

"Who are you?" Those empty words hit hardly at his chest - so hard that he started trembling in slight fear.

"Don't tell me that he...he doesn't even remember his own name?" He asked, slightly shaken. Realisation hit onto him hardly when he said those cruel words towards Allen who had completely forgotten everything. He had forgotten that moment when he jumped in to save him. He had forgotten what words he said to him at that time.

He had forgotten everything. Everything.

Including himself.

* * *

><p>"I cannot guarantee that Allen-kun would recover. When he was picked up by the medics, he was almost half-dead. The severe damage taken by his head might be the main cause, but we won't know the specific details on what causes his memory loss," Komui explained inside his office, studying the medical report handed down by the doctor who was tending to Allen.<p>

"So that means that he might not be able to recover his memories permanently?" Lavi questioned. He peered at Lenalee who said nothing at her seat. She had hardly said anything ever since they went out of the infirmary and came here. Her lips parted slightly, her face showing a winced expression. She did not want to accept everything that had befallen onto them.

"There might be a chance. We need to watch his condition closely." He nodded to Reever who came to his side and discussed something softly with him. Komui nodded his head as he got up from his seat.

"Well, I have something on, so please excuse me." He glanced at his sister who had not uttered a single word. Turning away, he walked out of the office and headed towards the Science Laboratory together with Reever.

"Is it okay? Do you want to stay by Lenalee's side for the moment?"

"No. It would be better if she is left alone. Furthermore, she cannot expect me to be with her all the time. Though this is a painful decision, but this is something she must overcome herself," Komui replied calmly. He tilted his cap, wondering whether this was a right decision he had chosen. He let out a heavy sigh as he stared at the ceiling above him.

"Allen-kun..." He wondered what heavy feeling this was. He had created a miracle, only to create another despair. No, it wasn't him who made it but the Order which had constantly been pushing them to remind themselves of their important roles and to track down the enemy's whereabouts. No matter what, he just couldn't shake off the guilt inside him, because one side of him was forcing him as well. Forcing him to accept the truth, to kill people by his own hands and take it as just a mere responsibility as an Exorcist.

It was then he realised, that he was taking their job as Exorcists too lightly. He was not the one standing courageously on the battlefield, pushing away the fear and sympathy which would be in their way. How many times had their hearts been screaming out in pain and agony? How many times had they wanted to give up, not wanting to soak their bare hands with blood of humans?

Komui hissed as he covered his face. Had he...committed a grave sin onto these children? They had bright future laid out for them, only to be crushed completely by his bare hands. It was simply too cruel.

"Komui, are you alright?" Reever asked, seeing that the supervisor had stopped. His hand touched the wall, supporting his heavy body as he leaned forward, feeling slightly nauseous. Komui blinked, taking few deep breaths of air. He then realised that the air inside the Order reeked of the stench of blood and rotting bodies. Had it always smelt like that for a long time? Why hadn't he realise it till now?

"I'm...okay." He tried to stand up, staggering for a few steps. Komui straightened himself and gave a weak smile to the other, walking up to Reever who was waiting for him. He couldn't just collapse at this moment, and he shouldn't be the one collapsing compared to the others who were mentally exhausted.

It was partially his fault that Allen was reduced to that state, and he would do anything to save that lifeless soul of his. Even at the last moment, he wanted to realise his dreams for him.

* * *

><p>His mind was still completely blank, not able to accept the fact that Allen had lost his memory, reduced to a vulnerable and ignorant child who did not know where he was. Kanda sat on his chair at his room, staring at the sky outside the window. He did not know that it would be that severe. He thought that it was just a wound; a physical wound inflicted which only caused intense pain and nothing else. After all, their bodies were meant to overcome different types of injuries as an Exorcist. He thought it was just nothing.<p>

His eyes narrowed, his hand clenched into a fist as he slammed hardly on the table. He couldn't just live with that guilt trapped inside him forever. As long as Allen did not disappear on him, that bond between them would never be severed. So why couldn't he just forget him and move on? Why was it so difficult to forget someone he hated so much?

Or that he did not hate him in the first place? He knew it very well what that means. Somehow, he couldn't draw a line between him and Allen. The both of them were almost the same. They wanted to get stronger to overcome the fear, the anger and the guilt inside them. They were cursed, and they were alone, yet they were fighting their hardest to their victory. They did not bow down to their lowly fate which they detested.

Yet, he realised that nowadays, his attitude towards Allen was gradually changing. That immerse and heavy feeling towards him was slowly turning mild, towards neutral. He wasn't that annoyed with that Moyashi, and was slowly getting used to his presence. His appearance made him realise how lonely he was, and he realised that he had always hated that empty feeling lingering inside his heart. He wanted company. He wanted someone to be there for him.

Kanda groaned, massaging the middle of his forehead lightly to cease the pain. The painful stretched feeling had not disappeared ever since he visited that Moyashi. Allen looked extremely pale, and he showed no signs of recognising them when they were there. That pair of dead eyes which were once alive were looking forward without any emotions. He wore that expressionless mask on his face, and he thought that it was a lot worse than the fake smile which he wore previously. And somehow, this hurt him slightly when he did not remember him.

"Stupid. Ridiculous," He muttered to himself repeatedly, telling himself endlessly not to be deceived by that annoying poker face which filled with sympathy. Many times had he wanted to kill Allen by his own hands in order to stop from thinking about him. It was all because of the guilt built up inside him that was slowly driving him insane. Kanda stood up, his chair kicked back roughly as he strode out of the room. Staying in his room would only make him even more frustrated. He needed a breather. Anywhere will do, as long as he could get out of that suffocating space.

He walked down the stairs to the basement. He looked around, pondering on where he should go. He had a thought to go to the training room to meditate, but he walked off in the opposite direction instead. Kanda walked rather hurriedly, wanting to get away from the crowd and go to somewhere solely for himself. He paced between people, finding the space getting smaller and narrower. Their shoulders brushed against each other, and one stopped to apologise, but he just ignored him and continued his way.

_I'm so glad that you are safe._

"Shut up," Kanda muttered.

_Don't always show such a foul look. Smile more. Like me._

"Stop smiling like that." He lowered his head and hissed.

_I wish that you will be happy. Even we would not be together._

There was a loud crash across the corridor as everyone stopped in their tracks, astonished.

_I love you, Kanda, even if you will not return me the same type of feeling in the end._

"Kanda-dono?"

There was a huge dent on the wall, his fist embedded on it as blood slowly oozed out of the wound and around his fingers. Kanda breathed heavily, feeling his chest getting so tight that it hurt. It hurt so badly that he couldn't stand the pain. He felt so stupid at this moment, feeling so wrecked and so confused and so lost in his whole life.

"Yuu-chan, what happened to you?" He heard footsteps approaching as Lavi came to his side and took his injured hand, examining it carefully. Kanda slapped it off and walked away, only to be stopped by Lavi again as he grabbed his wrist and swung him around forcefully.

"What the hell is wrong with you! What happened to you?" Lavi demanded, his angry voice buzzing irritably in his aching head. Without hesitation, his other hand which was uninjuried swung around and punched him straight on his face, throwing the redhead backwards. Lavi fell onto the ground with a loud thud. As he coughed hoarsely, Lavi looked up at the raven swordsman who was still standing.

"You...!" Lavi rushed up and planted a punch at Kanda's face immediately. Kanda staggered backwards, spitting out the blood as he wiped off the remaining blood stain left at the corner of his lip. Before he could send the second punch, Lavi grabbed both of his hands and slammed Kanda onto a wall forcefully, stopping him. Knowing that the raven-haired swordsman's strength was not to be underestimated with, Lavi moved his left leg forward and trapped him, making sure that he could not do anything.

"Yuu, look at me! Look at me!" Lavi demanded loudly. Kanda's eyes drifted aimlessly on the ground, before he looked up at the Bookman Junior weakly.

"What?"

"What? You say what? Damn, is that the only word you can say, Yuu?" Lavi hollered angrily. Kanda did not say anything, not even bothered to struggle under his grasp. His messy hair was all over the place. His hand hurt, his face hurt. Everywhere hurt.

"Yuu, it's not your fault that Allen lost his memory! Why are you inflicting this upon yourself? It's not like you! You won't do this to yourself, no matter what situation you are in! You would never...let yourself fall into despair," Lavi said.

"It's none of your business," Kanda muttered coldly.

"Don't deceive me, arrogant swordsman. Your face expression already tells me everything. You cannot hide from my sharp eyes, Yuu," Lavi demanded angrily.

"Heh, good eyes of yours, Bookman Junior," Kanda said with sarcasm.

"I'm not joking with you now, Kanda! Doing this won't help! It won't...bring Allen back." Kanda's gaze dimmed as his eyes softened. He had known from the very start that starting this was simply meaningless. Allen would still be staying like this, and furthermore, what had it got to do with him? He was the one who wanted to severe the ties with that Moyashi. He was the one who...pushed him away.

The crowd was slowly dispersing, and a few minutes later, they were the only ones left at the empty corridor. Lavi gradually released him as Kanda slowly slumped onto the ground, showing a blank expression on his face. The redhead went to look at the damage done on the wall. Komui would most likely want them to pay for the damages, but it was shocking that Kanda could produce such a huge dent on the concrete wall as hard as stone. He peered at the raven-haired teen silently. Where did all the rage come from?

The blood at his right hand was still dripping down onto the ground. Lavi sighed as he walked up to him and lowered down, touching his wounded hand. Kanda hissed and winced at the touch, glaring hardly at him. Lavi just smiled in reply.

"Let's go to the infirmary to bandage that hand of yours, Yuu."

"There is no need to," Kanda replied as he pulled his hand away from him, hissing slightly at the wound. Lavi shook his head and grabbed his wrist, to Kanda's astonishment. The touch felt mysteriously warm. The sensation felt familiar.

"Let's go. You do not want Lenalee to worry as well, right?" Kanda just stayed for a moment, before he grunted in reply and struggled to stand up. Lavi put his hand at his shoulder for support as he helped the other up to his feet. The two of them walked towards the infirmary together, not saying a word.

"Please, Kanda-san! Don't injure yourself unnecessarily! The infirmary is a busy place as well, do you know that?" The Head Nurse lectured the raven-haired Exorcist who was also reluctant to come here and get his hand bandaged. He had the power to heal, and he had always hated the horrifying stench of medicine in the infirmary. He winced in slight pain as the Head Nurse made a tight knot to his bandage, before asking him to get some painkillers at the front counter in case he experienced pain through the night. Having used to the pain, Kanda refused and stood up, getting ready to leave.

"Going back?" Lavi asked, standing up from his seat as well.

"Yeah," He replied softly, his eyes staring at a particular hallway which led to the patients rooms. He gritted his teeth, wondering why he was still feeling so distaught and messed up. He still couldn't get that stupid beansprout out of his head.

Kanda started to walk inside, and soon, he reached Allen's room. As he peered through the glass, seeing the silver-haired teen's sleeping face, his heart wrenched slightly. It had been his first time seeing Allen sleeping so peacefully, unlike in the past which he would always be tense and alert around the surroundings he was in. There was a slight smile on his face, as though he was having a good dream right now.

_Who are you?_

He looked down, his hand touching the wall firmly as the other hand covered part of his face. He couldn't believe that he, Kanda Yuu, who felt nothing for no one, was affected by this. It was something he had never experienced it before, and as he experienced it, he began to fear this horrifying feeling which was slowly taking over his whole senses. He couldn't stop himself from trembling, even if it wasn't cold at all. Suddenly, he felt so empty and so lonely, as though everything had been robbed of him and nothing was left for him. Nothing.

It felt so bad, so bad that he was suffocating.

All because of this beansprout.

"We cannot give up here." He turned and saw Lavi standing beside him. The redhead gave a comforting smile as he put his hand on his shoulder, before peering at Allen.

"There will be a way to revert back everything, to allow Allen to remember once again. We cannot give up. If we give up and abandon Allen now, then there is really no saving for him. He really needs us the most at this time," Lavi said. Kanda said nothing and just watched in silence.

The clock ticked softly in the darkness.


	2. Silver Resonance

**Chapter 2: Silver Resonance **

His piercing screams continued to plague me in my dreams.

_I bid you awake at dawn and discover I have gone my way and left you free. - Sara Teasdale_

_xx_

_It happened so fast, that he could not catch what he was seeing. Time seems to cease, gradually slowing down every moving particles and beings, and as his eyes stared at the blinding golden light which would eventually reach him, he knew that it was the end. He wasn't really scared of what would soon happen seconds later. Nothing in this world held him back. His fragile life was slowly slipping away, already near its end. He was going to die anyway - it was only the matter of now or later. His only reason for living, was to kill the Akumas and find that person - damn, he did not even have the slightest idea on who he was. _

_Maybe now, this would completely end all my misery. Wasn't this great?_

_If only..._

_If only...he..._

_...he..._

_"KANDA!"_

_The light was brighter as it gradually closed in towards him. He wondered whether his vision was seeing things, because at that split second difference, he saw a black shadow flying in, blurring his vision with darkness. The light disappeared, and that blow did not come to him. Does death come so easily without any trace of pain at all? No, that was totally ridiculous. _

_Suddenly, a vision of red shot through him. He shivered uncontrollably, having a ominus feeling about the sight he saw just now. Red...blood? Was it his blood? He slowly looked down, seeing a trail of it leading to somewhere..._

_Wait, did he hear a scream just now?_

_His vision cleared, and he indeed saw red - but it wasn't from himself. Sapphire eyes widened in horror as he saw Allen standing in front of him, taking in the entire blow from the Akuma. The golden light was gone, before blood started splattering all over his body, soaking his silvery hair strands in deep crimson and streaming down from his forehead. _

_No..._

_That beansprout had an unreadable expression on his face - a grimace and some twisted emotions he couldn't tell, and seconds later, an unmistakable smile appeared, mouthing some words at his parted lips._

_No...no, no no, you could not be doing this to yourself. No..._

_"I'm...so glad that...you...are safe..."_

_"M-Moyashi..."_

_Allen collapsed onto the ground. He growled lowly in anger, his eyes flashing darkly at that disgusting thing which did that. He raised his sword and in one swift slash of blue light, he cut the Akuma into halves as it exploded into flames. His eyes looked around wildly, spotting the silver-haired teen behind the bushes. _

_His heart dropped at the sight he saw._

_He rushed to him immediately, his hands cradling that broken body onto his lap carefully so that he would not aggravate his injuries. He could feel the coldness of his blood seeping into his Exorcist uniform, but right now, he did not care. That stupid beansprout was getting weaker, his breath extremely shallow and his face turning white. His hand pressed hard onto his wound on his head desperately, but the wound was simply too large. More blood just gashed out of the deadly slash from his head down to his abdomen, forming a pool on the ground. As time slowly slipped away, he froze, realising one thing._

_Allen was dying._

_"Don't...always show such a...foul look. Smile more. Like me," Allen murmured softly through his cracked lips. _

_What was he talking about? How could he smile like this when he was dying? How could he...smile when he was supposed to be the one who was dead and yet he wasn't, because he was saved by this puny beansprout? _

_He wanted to snap at him right here, that if he wanted to live, he should shut that mouth of his, yet those heavy words were stuck inside his throat. No matter how much he wanted to yell at him, he... he couldn't._

_"I know that what I...I am going to..." Allen gasped loudly, coughing out blood. "...to say now would...would make you...angry, but...I still have...have to say it."_

_He said nothing and just stared at him, giving him the last moment to say out his last words._

_"__I wish that...you will be happy. Even if we would not be together."_

_His frown deepened._

_"__I love you, Kanda. Even if you will...not return me the same...type of feeling in...the end."_

_Sapphire eyes slowly widened in shock. His words of confession struck him hardly, but he couldn't find any words to reply back. He did not know what to reply, how to reply to him, but he knew he had to reply Allen now - mock him, scold him or anything - before it was too late. His lips parted, and after some inner struggle within himself, he finally found his voice back which came out in a weak croak. But he did not care._

_"N-No! You cannot d-do this to me! You can't!"_

_That pair of silvery eyes just softened as he shook his head gently._

_"Does it matter?"_

_He found himself unable to speak anymore._

_"But whatever. You still hate me, till the very end..."_

_That pair of beautiful silver eyes shimmered brightly, before they started to fade into blankness. He gasped, screaming out his name - that name which he always wanted him to call out, but Allen could no longer respond. He gritted his teeth, slamming his fist hardly onto the ground as he let out an excruciating cry, piercing through the moonless night._

Sapphire eyes snapped open, his body jolting in alertness as his hand reached down for his sword leaning at the side of the bed. Kanda flinched slightly, stared hardly at the blank ceiling in front of him. The swordsman breathed heavily, realising that it was another round of that horrid memory which refused to be erased away. He slowly sat up, his hair strands fluttering down his shoulders as his hand touched his chest, where his curse was. Kanda glanced out of the window, seeing the early sunrise as the faint golden light gradually shone into his room.

Yes, he almost forgot that he had a mission in hand. Kanda got up from the bed, his black jacket falling off his shoulders as he went into the toilet to wash himself up. He turned the water tap, hearing the clear rushing sound of water flowing down the sink. Kanda slowly dipped his hands into the cooling water, gathering some up and splashing onto his face. The swordsman gave a soft sigh, putting his hair strands behind his ear as he stared at the mirror.

_Don't...always show such a...foul look. Smile more. Like me._

Allen's words echoed at his ears, as though the silver-haired teen was right beside him. Sapphire eyes narrowed as he turned away from the mirror, turning off the water tap. Grabbing a clean towel hanging on the metal railing, he stepped out of the washroom, wiping the water off his face. It was currently six in the morning. Although it was early for most people, Kanda normally woke up earlier than that to meditate, but ever since that incident happened, that particular scene when Allen fell haunted him in his dreams, messing up his usual time schedule.

Kanda sat at the far corner of the room, knowing that he had exactly one hour before that irritating Finder knocked the door of his room to check if he was awake. He absolutely did not want anyone to disturb him while he was meditating. Kanda loosened his muscles and relaxed, before he closed his eyes, letting himself sink into the complete darkness. His subconsciousness slowly took over, gathering all his thoughts and throwing away those which he did not want. All had been well, until he heard a piercing scream echoing in his head.

_KANDA!_

Allen stood in front of his eyes. Slowly, that body started to fall, crumbling into bits. Kanda flinched at the sight, his emotions gradually acting up on its own again. He grimaced, frowning deeply at the repeating images of Allen Walker covered completely in blood flashing momentarily in his head.

_Who are you?_

His eyes flew open, and Kanda almost collapsed by the strong feelings from that memory. He hissed in annoyance, gripping his vest tightly as his chest started to hurt again. Whenever that memory flashed out, his chest would feel so hot as though it was literally burning in flames, and it wasn't because of his curse.

"Allen..." A name that he did not want to mention in his life again. Because of him, his life was never worse than now. Kanda slowly stood up, peering at his hands as he vaguely saw the blood staining on them. _His blood. _Sapphire eyes narrowed in anger as he clenched his hands tightly, leaning against the wall.

_"__I love you, Kanda. Even if you will...not return me the same...type of feeling in...the end."_

Why must he say this kind of...thing at that particular timing? Why must he continue to bother him even though...even though he wasn't here anymore? What could he say to that kind of words? How could he face the silver-haired teen who was Allen Walker, yet he wasn't the same beansprout whom he knew anymore?

Kanda glanced at the light rays of sunlight dispersing across the room, and at exactly 7 o'clock, there was a light knock on the door.

"Kanda-dono, are you awake?"

"Che." Kanda grunted as he swiftly wore his Exorcist uniform and grabbed Mugen by his hand, before he opened the door, seeing the Finder standing outside waiting for him. The two of them walked down the stairs to the main hall, getting ready to resume their search on the Innocence that Komui assigned him to collect.

"I have already checked the town and its vicinity. So far, there isn't any signs of an Innocence," The Finder, Deltas, said. Kanda frowned, his gaze darkening in irritation. It was already the 20th day, and they hadn't get a single fucking clue on where that Innocence was? But from the map that Komui had drawn for them...fuck, his drawing was so horrible that he couldn't even tell whether they were at the right place! The swordsman stared at the Finder who was staring back at him, before he let out a sigh.

"The map says it's around here?"

"Yes, Kanda-dono," Deltas replied. Kanda peered at the streets, deciding to search around the area for a few more times to see whether there might be changes. Brushing his flying strands of hair behind his shoulders, he and the Finder stepped out into the open, walking their way towards the place where the Innocence was rumoured to be.

* * *

><p>A month after Allen woke up, Lenalee was walking in the halls of the Black Order, finishing her training on her new crystal-type Innocence and bringing coffee to her brother and the scientists working in the laboratory. She hummed a soft tune at her lips, her fingers twirling around her soft hair strands which had grown down to her shoulders. She hadn't been given missions at the moment, not only because the Earl hadn't been making much movement lately, she had also been given an important task - to take care of Allen ever since he woke up from six months of comatose.<p>

Violet eyes narrowed slightly in sadness. Even though Allen had woken up, she did not feel in the least happy. Allen had survived, yet at a terrible price. He could not remember anything, and could not recognise anyone whom he knew in his life. The moments were so awkward, and she did not know what to say to him. She knew that she should be thankful that Allen was still alive, but she felt so distant from him, as though Allen was a complete stranger. And this feeling frightened her greatly.

_"Who...are you?"_

She remembered the first question that Allen asked her after that six whole months of silence. It felt just so...so nostalgic, hearing his voice again after such a long time. She had no idea how to answer. Lenalee stared at him in silence, feeling so overwhelmed by the sudden crash of happiness and guilt that tears were forming at her eyes, threatening to fall, but she knew she couldn't cry in front of Allen. She forced out a faint smile.

_"I-I'm...Lenalee. Lenalee Lee."_

_"You know who I am?"_ He asked. The blank expression Allen had when he asked that question was too much to bear. Her tears fell from her eyes, yet her smile remained.

_"You are called Allen. Allen Walker. And you are my best friend."_

_"Really?"_ The silver-haired teen asked again, this time in enthusiasm. Lenalee wiped away the tears and clasped her hands with his, staring into his silvery eyes.

_"Yes. You will always be my best friend, Allen. Now and forever."_

Lenalee walked into the cafeteria, seeing a familiar silver-haired teen sitting on the benches, eating an incredible amount of food stacked up on his tray. She giggled slightly and shook her head as she walked towards him. Even if Allen had lost his memory, the fact that he was a bottomless pit was still true.

Allen was munching on his fifth burger when he spotted the olive-haired girl walking over. He swallowed down the whole burger as he waved to her.

"Lenalee!"

"Hey Allen!" Lenalee greeted as she sat down across him. "Eating a lot as usual?"

"Yeah. I have no idea why I'm like this. I just can't get satisfied!" Allen answered as he took a big gulp of water before he started eating again. Lenalee leaned slightly on the table as she watched him silently, wondering where this enormous load of food might go in that small body of his. Allen ate a lot, but he hardly gained weight. Although he wouldn't be using his parasite Innocence for a while, but being a host, it put some strain to his body and he needed to eat a lot more than them to support it.

"I kind of envy you, Allen."

"Why?" Allen asked, taking up his all-time favourite dessert mitarashi dangos and ate one in his mouth.

"You can still maintain such a nice figure despite eating ten times more than us," Lenalee replied with a grin. Allen frowned slightly, not sure whether her statement was meant to be a compliment or a hinted sarcasm.

"Yeah. I wonder where all my food might go to after I ate them. Why do you ask?" Silver eyes glistened with a beautiful shine as he leaned closer to her and whispered, "Don't tell me...you are jealous?"

The olive-haired girl raised an eyebrow and let out a small giggle in reply.

"Why would I be jealous of you, Allen? I maintain my weight well, but it is because I have good eating habits and I exercise regularly. You are different. You don't seem...to gain much even after gorging down all of these." She pointed at the remaining mountain of food left on his tray.

"Gorging? What a strong word to use. Despite how hungry I am, I would not shove all these food down my throat within a few bites," Allen grunted in slight displeasure. Lenalee giggled again, amused at his usage of words which might sound a little wrong. If he used his Innocence, he would be hungrier than the usual days and she had definitely seen how Allen literally shoved down the large mountain of food down his stomach within a few minutes. At this, she sighed, staring at the table blankly as she wondered when she would ever see him wield his Innocence again.

"Lenalee?" Violet eyes blinked in slight bewilderment as she looked up, seeing Allen staring back at her.

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking just now? You seems to be in a daze," Allen answered. Lenalee flinched slightly at his question, before she smiled at him.

"I wasn't thinking of anything."

"Is it?" Allen did not probe more and finished up his last plate of dessert. She glanced at him, feeling slightly guilty for not telling him the whole truth. They explained to Allen that he was one of the general's distant relative, which technically, wasn't a lie, because Cross Marian became his guardian ever since his stepfather died. Because his relative wasn't around, which was true because Cross Marian was out for unknown issues, they decided to let him live here until his relative returned. His brother decided not to reveal to Allen about his identity as an Exorcist until the time was right.

_"But..."_

_"But what, Allen?" Komui asked. Lenalee was standing beside him, listening to their conversation. The silver-haired teen was frowning deeply, as though he was pondering something he couldn't understand for a long time. _

_"What...happened to my left arm? Why is it...like this?" Their eyes widened as Allen pulled off his long sleeve to reveal his black arm which was also his parasite Innocence. She was speechless, and she hoped that her brother could find a very good excuse to cover this. _

_"It looks...creepy," He muttered softly, and she could see slight fear in his eyes. Allen was afraid of the appearance of his arm. _

_"Well, this is because your family has a incurable disease which is passed down by generations. Though it's not fatal, it will leave a mark on your body which is the side effect of the disease, depending on the person. For your case, it will be your left arm," Komui explained with a smile. Lenalee was slightly impressed that her brother could tell such a blatant lie without hesitation. _

_"Is it? So that is why my left arm looks so ugly?" _

_"Allen, your arm isn't ugly. It is just the effect of the disease. If you look from another point of view, you should be glad that you are still living in this world. Others may not have the blessing to do so," Komui said firmly. Allen said nothing, but she guessed he had accepted that for now._

"So what are you planning to do for today?" Allen asked.

"Hmm. Probably going to the library to visit Lavi?" Lenalee replied, pondering. There wasn't much things to do in the Order. She did not need to prepare to go out for missions, her weekly check on her new Innocence was scheduled three days later, and she did not want to disturb her brother in his work. Most Exorcists were out for missions, which included Miranda, Krory, Marie, Chouji, Timothy and Kanda. Though, she knew that what Kanda needed right now was time to adjust to the current situation, thus a mission would be the best for him.

"Lenalee, I have a feeling that you have a crush on Lavi..." Allen's words trailed off. Lenalee blinked, before her cheeks turned slightly pink at that direct remark.

"Wh-what are you talking about? I...me and Lavi are just friends!" She exclaimed in slight embarrassment. Allen sniggered evilly as he nudged her shoulder lightly, shooting her a seductive wink. Violet eyes widened as her blush darkened, and she found no words to argue. Not because she was really in love with Lavi, but she was way beyond embarrassed that she couldn't utter a single word out. Sometimes Allen could be rather mischievous at times, but he was definitely more mischievous now compared to the past.

Allen burst out laughing, and seeing how embarrassed and flustered she was, he put a stop to his teasing. The two of them approached the library and opened the doors, revealing a large room which stretched so wide that no one had ever seen its ceiling before. The silver-haired teen noticed that the old man who would usually sit down on the couch reading a book was not around, and Lavi was nowhere to be seen. He peered at the shelves of books all over the place, and frankly speaking, this place had never ceased to make him feel so amazed. Any kind of knowledge that he wanted to know would be within reach when he entered this place.

"Lavi isn't here..."

"Looking for me, Allen-chan?" Both of them looked up as they saw the red-haired teenager descending to the ground by a movable ladder. Lavi jumped down from the ladder and brushed away his long fringe, grinning happily as usual.

"Stop calling me that!" Allen grumbled with a frown. It sounded so girlish and he wasn't even a girl to begin with. He had no idea why the redhead had been addressing him that ever since he woke up, but he was very certain that he did not like the nickname. Lavi just laughed sheepishly in reply.

"No, but you just looks so cute..."

"I am certainly NOT CUTE!" Allen snapped as he glared darkly at him. Lavi shivered at his murderous gaze and raised his hands in surrender, not wanting to provoke the silver-haired teen further lest he wanted to have a tragic ending.

"Stop teasing Allen, Lavi. By the way, Bookman is not around today?" Lenalee questioned.

"Oh, Panda Gramps is out for some matters. This is why I'm able to come down for a while. Normally I should be hovering around the library to tidy up stuffs for the whole day, under tight supervision from that stupid gramps of course," Lavi said with a frown. "But I can loosen up a little when he is away."

"Won't you get a scolding for this?" Allen asked.

"Oh, of course I would, but a scolding is an understatement. His punishment is worse than Hell. Believe me, you two wouldn't want to imagine that. But I always have sixth sense! I won't be caught so easily," Lavi replied with a grin. Allen wondered how Bookman punished the redhead when he was caught slacking off. As he pondered, a devilish smirk slowly formed on his face. Lavi frowned slightly and stepped away in slight fear, having a slight hunch on what the silver-haired teen was planning.

"W-Wait, Allen... Don't tell me that you... Okay, it's my fault for addressing you as 'Allen-chan' and saying that you are cute! Please forgive me, would ya?" Lavi pleaded. Allen peered at him for a moment, before he smiled.

"I wouldn't be so bad to betray my friend, Lavi. Don't worry. And I forgive you for that."

"Thank you, Allen!" Lavi exclaimed with happiness as he gave his friend a tight hug. Allen let out a whine of protest as he struggled against the tight embrace which was suffocating him. Lenalee giggled at the sight, and she was so glad that the three of them had become good friends within a month after Allen woke up with no recollection of them. She wasn't even sure if losing all his memory was a blessing in disguise. Allen had become much cheerful and livelier, and he was able to open up to them more easily, compared to the past when he kept more to himself because of his lack of trust towards humans due to his past. She could see how he truly felt, unlike his old self who always masked an unknown expression to hide his real emotions.

"Oops, I think Panda Gramps is back! I better get back to work!" Lavi said as he scampered up the ladder quickly and pressed the remote, directing him back to the top shelves. Sure enough, within seconds, Bookman opened the doors and stepped inside. He noticed the two of them and stopped.

"Coming here for a visit?" He asked in a monotone voice. Bookman's behaviour was rather eccentric, and Allen still couldn't get use to his seriousness even when he wasn't busy in his work.

"Yes, Bookman," Lenalee replied. That pair of dark-circled eyes turned to Allen, and the silver-haired teen flinched slightly at his hardening gaze which seems to be piercing through him, reading through his thoughts. After what seems like a few minutes, he finally asked something.

"How are you feeling, Walker?"

"Uh...fine?" Allen answered hesitantly, not sure what to answer. Bookman just glanced at him for a while more, before he turned and walked over to the couch, sitting down with a book in his hand.

"Please wait a while more. Lavi would be finishing his job soon."

"It's alright. We will be leaving now," Lenalee said as the two of them walked to the door.

"I will find you two after I am done with this!" Lavi shouted from above.

"That is, _if _you _finish _what you are assigned. I will not allow sloppy results," Bookman warned.

"I will do a good job, Gramps! See you later, Allen, Lenalee!"

The two of them walked out of the library, and realised how time really flew past. They chatted among themselves as they walked, through different topics, and when they reached the lounge, they decided to spend the rest of the day idling there, playing chess, chatting together again, waiting for Lavi...whatever. It wasn't as if they really must have things to do, having a duty to fulfill...

Suddenly, Allen stalled for seconds. _Duty...to fulfill?_

"Allen?" Lenalee asked, looking at him in slight puzzlement. As they stood at the hallway, hollow footsteps echoed across the large corridor. He looked up, seeing two people across them. They were wearing strange uniforms which were definitely not the Exorcists or Finders in the Order. He hadn't been sure who they were, but his body flinched on its own when his eyes met their piercing gazes, especially the golden ones, and his arms slowly raised up to his chest and hugged himself tightly, trying to stop the shivers down his spine. He hadn't seen them before, yet why was he reacting this way?

She knew who they were, and how Allen eventually got involved in them, and she could slowly feel her anger rushing up her body and rumbling deep within her soul. But now, it was different. Allen lost his memory. They did not have the right to take him away because of a stupid excuse. They could not touch him anymore. Not anymore. She would protect him from the Vatican. From the Fourteenth. From the Millennium Earl.

"Let's go." Lenalee took his hand and pulled Allen away. Allen blinked, not understanding the situation, but followed as they disappeared into the lounge. They sat down on the soft couch, and Lenalee let out a soft sigh, feeling slightly better after the tension just now.

"Lenalee, who are they?" Allen asked, leaning towards her.

"People from the Order, I supposed?" She merely replied in a slight cold tone. Allen noticed her slight irritation and decided not to ask further. Lenalee gazed at the ceiling in silence, her violet eyes narrowing in sadness.

_You do not need to know, Allen._

* * *

><p>Kanda growled in frustration, staring at the forest in front of him. Seriously, how many fucking times had he been passing by here? He had been walking around in circles, and the great thing was, he had lost the Finder and was now alone, not knowing where the hell he was and how he should go back to the inn which he was currently staying. The swordsman paced around the dirty trail, trying to find anything that might look a little familiar to him, but nothing! And there were no one around for him to ask for directions as well.<p>

"Screw that," He muttered, deciding to trust his own instinct and walk forward. Kanda came across a small grassland, without absolutely nothing but grass. There were only a few trees, and a solitude wooden house situated in the middle of it. He frowned in slight suspicion. He could not sense a single soul around ever since he was walking around this foreign area, and there was a house situated in the middle of a forest? That just sounded wrong, but he only got this clue, and he as hell wasn't going to let it go until he found answers to where he was and the whereabouts of the Innocence.

The raven-haired Exorcist slid down the gentler slope to the bottom of the grassland, walking towards the wooden house. As he gradually came closer, the wind somehow picked up quickly and was blowing in fierce strikes, causing him to stop for a while to keep himself balanced, but he wasn't one to give up yet. Kanda moved with caution, approaching the house as his hand reached to the doorknob to open the door.

_KANDA!_

Sapphire eyes widened slightly as his hand stopped. Kanda wondered why he was hearing Allen's scream at this particular moment. He frowned, having a bad feeling about it. It felt as though that beansprout's scream was meant to stop him from entering the house, to warn him about something inside it. But he knew he could not stop now. He had to continue. As his hand touched the doorknob and opened the door, there was a blinding flash of white light engulfing him whole. He winced at the piercing light and shut his eyes, his hands shielding his face in reaction. After a few minutes of silence, Kanda slowly opened his eyes, finding himself standing on a barren land.

"What is this place?" He pondered, walking around the dirty ground as he peered at the dull surroundings. The sky was dark, as though it was night, and the foggy air was making him difficult to see what was ahead. Kanda slowly made his way forward, seeing a faint glow in front of him. Wanting to see what it was, he walked faster, waving away the fog which was distracting him. At reaching a certain point, he noticed that the fog was gradually clearing. The faint glow was getting brighter. He was getting nearer.

Suddenly, Kanda stopped, feeling slightly strange. He wasn't...supposed to be here, was he? It was just a barren land, yet he seems to have a slight feeling that he had been here before. And what was that glow of light shining in front of him? It felt soothing and yet...it wasn't. A heavy tension was growing in the air, and he knew from his experience and instinct, that this wasn't just a simple glow of light. His hand reached down to his sword, staring at the light as it was reaching to him.

Reaching to him...

To him...

Him...

_Him..._

_"KANDA!"_

Kanda froze, his sapphire eyes fixated at that very spot as the golden light burst through the fog, shooting towards him at a seemingly impossible speed. Memories flooded his mind, slowly rewinding back to the very beginning when that tragedy started.

_No, this can't be happening. _

And he knew how this was going to end.

* * *

><p>Hello everyone! I'm back and I'm continuing this story with another new chapter! Just to tell you all that I have reposted Chapter 1 because I found out some mistakes in it and re-edited the chapter. This story is semi-AU and the Holy War is <em>still<em> ongoing, so that means the Millennium Earl, the Noah family, the Fourteenth were not dead and so on...well, you know what I mean. There will be spoilers up till the current manga chapters.

Please review and comment on my writing! Thank you very much!

**SingingBlues**


	3. A Second Chance

**Chapter 3: A Second Chance**

"_Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect―J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_

_xxx  
><em>

_"Allen!"_

_"Why won't you just wake up! Why..."_

_ALLEN!_

Silver eyes snapped open as Allen jolted up in his seat in a state of shock as he gasped hardly for breath. His hand snapped up to his face, accidentally pushing the book he was currently reading off onto the floor. The silver-haired teen blinked in a slight daze, looking down as he saw a red-coloured book opened with its pages spilling out messily. He picked it up quickly, patting off the dust on it. It wouldn't be good if Lavi found his books dirty and crumpled upon its return. Allen let out a sigh, leaning back onto the cushion as he tried recalling the horrifying dream he had earlier on, but the only thing he could remember was a tall figure screaming for his name repeatedly. His face was shadowed, and he could only see a patch of black surrounding that person.

He bit his lip in frustration. Who was this person? Did he know him before he lost his memory? This means that if he could see his face more clearly, the mystery behind his memory could be solved? The silver-haired teen beamed with happiness as he closed his eyes and started thinking of that same scene, but all he got was nothing. His brain refused to cooperate with him, and he couldn't go back to that dream. Silver eyes slowly opened, peering at the ceiling blankly.

_Who was he?_

_"ALLEN!"_

_Who...?_

Allen sat up and walked out of the lounge with the book in his hand. After a month, this was the very first time he remembered something. Even though he couldn't see that person's face, somehow he had a hunch that he would recall everything at seeing that mysterious person hidden in the dark shadows. He trailed along the large halls of the Order, wanting to find Lenalee to ask, but she wasn't around. Lavi was on an errand, and Komui was busy in his work. Other than the three of them, he did not have anyone he knew and trusted.

The golden golem, known as Timcanpy, fluttered around his side, as though it was comforting him, silently telling him that it would always be at his side. Allen smiled as he stroked it gently, being grateful for that. He did not know how he got such a different golem from the others, even though he wasn't even an Exorcist, but he loved the little one's company, especially when he was depressed at his loss of memory. Surrounded by strangers and in an environment he was not familiar with, he felt lonely and insecure, feeling emptiness within his heart. Nothing reminded him that he was once here, someone who was really part of the Black Order.

Allen knocked on the door of the library, before he opened the door and peeked inside. No one was at the couch, and he couldn't hear any movement from above either. It seems that Lavi and Bookman weren't around. The silver-haired teen slipped himself inside through the small gap opened by him, walking to the table as he placed the book he borrowed on it. He then walked out, closing the door behind him.

There wasn't anything he could do right now. Allen took out a map of the Order from his pockets, seeing the places he circled which he had visited when he was here. No matter how he tried to remember where those places were, other than Komui's office and the cafeteria, he could not remember anymore. He peered at the upper floors, realising that he hadn't explored the Exorcists' dormitories yet.

Allen walked up the spiral staircase to the second floor. He paced through the blank corridor, before he appeared, surrounded by rows and rows of dormitories. He heard from Lenalee that all the rooms were of the same size, colour and design, which made it extremely difficult to differentiate which rooms the Exorcists were staying in. Silver eyes widened in awe, staring at each and every room. He wondered which room Lenalee and Lavi were living in. The silver-haired teen walked through the whole floor, before he walked up to the third floor. As he turned to the right, he suddenly stopped.

_This is your room._

Allen frowned and winced, seeing an image flashing in his head. He blinked, staring at the front as he saw the same black doors of the rooms. As he walked, his feet somehow stopped, facing a particular room. His heart thumped hardly, and his hand reached out to the doorknob. Surprisingly, it opened with a dragging creak, showing him the contents of the room.

He peered around, seeing only a cupboard, a bed and a small desk for work. The silver-haired teen then stared at a framed painting of a black clown hung on the wall.

_Mana, I will continue to walk down the road till the end._

Several blurred images came into view, which flashed past within seconds. He found a piece of dark-red uniform hung at the cupboard. It looked new and untouched. The silver-haired teen also noticed that dust and dirt had accumulated in this room, as though no one had lived here for a long time. Who had lived in this room before he stepped in here? He stared at the Exorcist uniform for a moment, before he reached out and felt the smooth velvety material by his hand, circling the golden cross badge representing the Black Organisation.

_Is this my new Exorcist uniform?_

_Yes. From now onwards, you are an Exorcist._

Silver eyes narrowed at the memory of a boy who looked like him, but he was not sure because he only saw his back, and that memory just came and went within seconds. He couldn't catch that very image appearing in his mind at that moment when he touched the Exorcist uniform. But him being an Exorcist? Somehow, it felt laughable.

Seeing nothing more that interested him, he walked out, closing the door quietly behind him. He then continued to walk through the plain corridor, reaching out to the wall as his fingers trailed along it. Allen saw a particular room with a rather...obscene and disturbing appearance. He saw some weird writings which he could not identify scraped roughly on the wooden surface of the door.

"Whose room is it?" Allen pondered in curiosity, his hands feeling the roughness of the writing. He pushed a little, and to his slight astonishment, the door slowly opened. He blinked for a moment, his fingers twitching in hesitation. The silver-haired teen went inside, looking around the surroundings. The room looked even emptier than the previous room he went in just now. Everything seems to be the same_―_a cupboard, a bed, and a small desk for him or her to work on. However, there was a faint yet refreshing scent lingering in this room. He took a light sniff, before something on the desk caught his eye.

It was a silver hourglass, with a small yet beautiful lotus at the top. Allen took a closer look, noticing some withered petals fallen at the bottom of the glass. His finger touched the cold surface lightly, and he wondered why, even though the flower looked so vibrant and so exotic, its life was slowly slipping away, together with these fallen petals.

Just...how much time was left, till the flower is completely gone?

His fingertip trailed down the hourglass lightly, his heart throbbing in a weird rhythm as his mind started to wander on its own. As he saw through the translucent curtains fluttering in the wind, several broken images of black and white flashed across his mind momentarily.

_I hope..._

In the darkest night, he turned around, facing a figure hidden in the shadows.

_I hope that, when that time comes, you will fulfill the promise that we make and kill me._

Allen slowly reached out, towards that very place where that person's scent came from. What made him say those pained words? What expression did that person make at that time when he heard his request? Who had he made a promise to? He wished he could know, but it was impossible. Time could not turn back to that particular time when he lost everything.

And he could no longer remember who he was.

* * *

><p>Sapphire eyes widened as the golden light burst through the fog, shooting towards him at an incredibly fast speed. Kanda was completely stunned, his memory flashing back in his mind as it slowly rewind back to the very beginning when that tragedy happened. No matter how he thought of it logically, it seemed almost impossible. That was already a past wasn't it? Or was it that he was still dreaming? He wouldn't be so stupid to believe that he had travelled back time, but he could never forget that horrifying feeling he experienced under this blinding light, and what happened after that. Yes, he couldn't be wrong about it.<p>

That nightmare was repeating again, and the worst thing was, it was real. He could feel its tremendous power, and the intense fear it was bringing him. The wind blared its sharp fangs on him, rushing past him so strongly that he almost got blasted away with it. Kanda hissed as he stabbed his sword on the ground to hold his ground firmly, but that was not his main concern. So as long as that beam of light was still heading towards him, he had to find a way to escape it.

To why he was seeing this, he did not know. Many thoughts came to him, and all led back to a certain beansprout who had lost his memory. Kanda knew that the evitable was soon to come, that maybe the main reason he was experiencing this again was a punishment for escaping his death so easily. After all, he was the one chosen to die, not Allen. Maybe this would set this right, and everything would return back to normal, when that beansprout had his memory and his usual irritating attitude back in place.

Maybe...that would ease his guilt on that beansprout. At least, a little.

The light was getting brighter, and a black shadow shot in between them. This time, his eyes were open, and he saw the faint figure of Allen Walker stretching his whole arms out to shield him from the incoming attack. He turned, and sapphire eyes slowly widened in shock at his expression which seems to be a smile, and at that point of time, Kanda knew that Allen had already prepared for the worst. He knew what was to come, and he was not scared, because he had already set on his ultimate aim which would eventually lead to his end.

Allen was willing to throw away his life for him.

Kanda stared, not able to avert his eyes away from that faint figure standing in front of him. The light was so glaring that the whole surroundings had turned into a complete white, everything all erased away. He did not know where he was, and he did not care. The swordsman continued to stare at Allen who was still smiling at him, and he remembered the eventual outcome once again_―_that Allen would be hit, that his body would be completely broken, that he would fall in front of his own eyes, bruised and bloody, and he would say his last words to him and lose his memory. And he would be screaming and crying out his name over and over again, but he could never wake up again.

The ending would eventually be the same.

Same?

_"__I wish that...you will be happy. Even if we would not be together."_

_"__I love you, Kanda. Even if you will...not return me the same...type of feeling in...the end."_

No.

No, this wasn't how it supposed to end.

It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Six months ago, he made a mistake which almost took him away. Now, Allen was alive, and he knew that this was the truth, because the moment he saw him when he woke up, he could feel the same nostalgia when he spent his time together with the beansprout.

_Kanda._

Kanda gripped on the tilt of his sword hardly and pulled it out. His fingers touched the black blade, and with a swift brush across it, his sword shone brightly with an exploding sapphire light. The raven-haired Exorcist then rushed towards Allen who was gradually devoured by the blinding light, his hand reaching out for his arm and grabbing it before the silver-haired teen disappeared completely. Kanda then looked forward, seeing that the golden light was just centimetres away before it reached him.

But this time, Allen was not going to die, and he wasn't going to fall for such a trick and just perished like that pathetically. His lips slowly curved up into a smirk as he faced the huge overwhelming power rumbling across the surroundings, attempting to swallow the both of them whole. Kanda turned to Allen who was staring at him in astonishment. His grip at his wrist tightened as he pulled the beansprout closer to his side.

"I am not weak, Moyashi. Do not pity me." Silver eyes widened in shock for a moment, before a faint smile appeared on his face as Allen slowly nodded his head. Kanda slowly raised the shimmering blue blade up, glaring at the white light in fury. There will be no sacrifices made. No one will die, and the both of them were going to survive this, and get out of this place together.

"Let's go, Mugen!" He shouted, feeling the power of his Innocence rising to its maximum as blue lightning pierced through the blinding white and exploded into a sea of sapphire blue. As he spotted a very faint emerald glow within the glaring light, Kanda hurled down his sword towards that glow as hard as he could.

"Kaichu...ICHIGEN!"

_This is my answer, Moyashi._

* * *

><p>Allen froze, and as he felt a hard stab at his chest, a loud crash snapped himself back into reality. Shocked silver eyes slowly stared at the floor blankly where the shattered pieces of glass were, seeing the water gradually forming a pool as it seeped into the thin lines of the stone tiles.<p>

"Allen?" Lenalee asked with a frown as she took up a spoon of soup, wondering what was into him. The silver-haired teen blinked in a slight daze, before he smiled and shook his head, bending down to pick up the broken pieces. He couldn't explain what startled him, so much that he could not get hold of his emotions and let the glass slip past his hand, falling onto the ground. Allen picked up the small bits carefully, seeing his small reflection on its surface. He stopped, staring at himself in slight curiosity. Somehow, these glass pieces reminded him of his memory_―_broken and not whole. He could not find the right pieces that fit together perfectly, forming a complete picture of his memory. Those fuzzy images came and went, and he could not catch what it really was.

He recalled to that particular time when Lenalee introduced herself and told him his name. Frankly, even though he had a very slight familiar feeling, it still felt so strange. His opinions of her was totally blank and empty. He had no idea what she did for the past seventeen years of his life, how they met, what she loved, and the precious moments they shared together. To him, she was someone he met for the very first time. It had been difficult for the past month to get used to this kind of life, but without her and Lavi, it could have been worse.

Apart from Lenalee and Lavi, did he have anyone who was important to him? Stripped away of his emotions, he did not know what to do, how to react to those people who were dear to him when he still remembered. How exactly did they feel when they had to face the harsh fact that he wasn't going to be the same again?

The silver-haired teen hissed in slight pain as he held his index finger which was cut by the sharp edge of the glass. The olive-haired girl put down her spoon and went over to help. He mumbled a thanks to her, continuing to pick up the glass bits. After clearing up, she told him to sit down and rest while she threw them away. He said nothing and just allowed her to do whatever she said, watching her back as she disappeared at the back of the corridor. Allen stared at the small cross on his left hand, touching it gently. Having his feelings taken away forcefully was painful. He wished he could remember again, seeing his own life with his own eyes and mind.

Lenalee came back with a first-aid kit. She placed it on the table and sat beside him, taking out the disinfectant and a small cotton as she began disinfecting the wound. Allen frowned slightly, ignoring the strong stinging feeling as she slowly cleaned it. He continued to watch her, as she put a small plaster around his finger.

"Okay, it's done. Be careful next time," Lenalee said, turning over as she put the stuffs back into the first-aid kit.

"Sorry, Lenalee," Allen murmured softly, looking down on the table.

She stopped, and they remained like this for a moment.

"It's okay, Allen. You did not expect yourself to drop the glass of water." The olive-haired girl turned and smiled.

"No, something made me drop it."

Violet eyes widened slightly. She was silent for a few seconds.

"What...is it?" Lenalee asked in a hesitant voice, peering at the silver-haired teen closely.

"I don't know. I felt a hard stab at my chest all of a sudden. My senses were messed up all over, and before I knew it, the glass slipped from my hand and fell onto the floor. It just...hit me so hard that I could not react for a moment," Allen explained softly. He did not look at her, not wanting to see her reactions and the expression she would always make when he told her about the bizarre feelings and emotions he had been experiencing recently. There was no logic within_―_it just happened to him. And she would always have that...lost look on her face, as though it shouldn't happening onto him.

"I see. I see. Maybe...someone's strong feelings has reached to you."

"Someone's...feelings?" Allen questioned, his eyes blinking in bewilderment. Her eyes looked away from his gaze for a moment, wondering what had really happened. No matter how she thought about it, she wondered why the image of Kanda always appeared in her mind whenever Allen told her about this.

"This person wants you to know his feelings for you, that he will always be thinking of you even though...even though the two of you are apart," Lenalee's words trailed off as tears were slowly forming at her eyes. She gasped and turned away, wiping them off her cheeks.

"But who is this person you are talking about?" Allen asked with a frown and slight curiosity. She hated the expressionless face Allen was making when he asked such a question, even though she already knew that it was something she had to get used to from now onwards.

"He's...he's somewhere far, but he still remembers you in his heart. Always," Lenalee replied softly. Allen peered down at the ground, his eyes shining dimly as her words echoed in his head repeatly, as though it was trying to trigger something that was buried deeply within him.

The problem was, who exactly was this person he was waiting for?

_xxx_

They finished their meals, and he returned back to his room which was located not far from the Exorcists' dormitory. Allen slowly laid down on the soft mattress, letting out a soft sigh. Silver eyes blinked as he stared at the ceiling in slight boredom, thinking back those words that Lenalee said when they were at the cafeteria.

_Maybe...someone's strong feelings has reached to you._

He lifted up his arm, seeing the golden golem slowly fluttering down as it rested on his left arm. Allen stared at Timcanpy, a weak and saddened smile slowly formed at his lips.

"Will I...be able to remember?"

The golden ball raised one of its little wings, as though it was questioning him what he really meant. Allen shook his head gently and ruffled its soft fur, and he laughed as the golem leaned closer to his touch, nuzzling at his skin. The day slowly went by, and as the dark-orange sunlight pierced through the curtains, the silver-haired teen sat up, letting Tim fly away as he stood up and walked over to the windows. He gazed at the bright orange horizon mixed with redness in silence. Even the sky, which was supposed to be light-blue in colour, was shimmering in slight orange and golden hues. Allen wondered whether he had seen such captivating sunset before he lost his memory.

A rush of wind blew at his face, and as he took a deep breath, the silver-haired teen stiffened. He suddenly remembered that broken memory while he was touching the hourglass_―_that moment when he faced the darkness where that person was, saying those words, and the light jasmine scent he picked up when he was in that room.

_I hope that, when that time comes, you will fulfill the promise that we have and kill me._

The silver-haired teen let out a soft sigh, his fingers trailing along the fine string lines of the curtains moving rhythmically with the light breeze. He looked around the room which still looked so foreign to him, even after he moved in here a month ago. Allen slowly laid down on his bed, his hand resting on his forehead as he peered at the ceiling solemnly. His lips parted slightly, and as he breathed deeply, his eyes slowly closed in slight exhaustion.

_ALLEN!_

Silver eyes flew open as he sat up quickly, gasping in slight anxiety. Allen swallowed thickly, clutching at the very spot at his shirt where his scar was. The dry wound started to burn for no reason, and every time he heard that scream echoing in his head, the pain became more excruciating than before.

_No! You cannot do this to me! You can't!_

_No!_

_NO!_

His body trembled slightly, and his heart wrenched for no reason. Allen turned and rushed out of his room, heading towards the stairs located at the corner of the second level of the building. He sprinted down, not caring whether he had crashed onto someone's shoulders or not. He slid down the railing and began to run, towards the direction which he knew too well. He gasped between breaths, his hand slowly reaching out as he was approaching the Science Supervisor's office. As he grabbed the doorknob and opened it immediately, he was instantly faced with someone who was about to walk out of the office at the same time. Silver eyes slowly widened as he skidded to a halt, staring straight at that person's face which was just centimetres away.

_Che. You will always be a Moyashi._

He saw a blurry vision of someone's back_―_a tall man with beautiful raven hair falling down his shoulders. The young man slowly turned around and faced him, his sapphire eyes narrowing emotionlessly at him.

_And I told you that my name is Allen, not Moyashi! _

His heart thudded hardly at his chest as Allen drew out several shaky breaths, seeing his raven hair strands from the other slowly falling onto his shoulders, and the faint yet refreshing jasmine scent that he got from this person was the same as the scent lingering in that particular room. His eyes darted to the floor in confusion, trying to comprehend what was happening here.

_"How dare you show up here..." _

His eyes slowly widened in shock.

_"Never mind. I shall cut your body open with my Mugen, and see whether you are one or not!"_

_"Do I look like someone who would shake hands with someone cursed?"_

"I'm going back, Komui." The raven-haired man called out and went off in the opposite direction he was currently standing. Allen remained in his position, and as he walked past him, his hand unconsciously reached out and grabbed the arm of the other, stopping him instantly. The silver-haired teen slowly turned around, meeting that same pair of cold yet stunning sapphire eyes which had been flashing across his mind again and again.

"Have we met before?"

* * *

><p>AN: Hi everyone! So sorry for the late update! This chapter is rather short, focusing on Kanda's final feelings he had and the beginning of Allen's recovery of his memory which coincidentally started from Kanda. So...I guess this explains the previous chapter on what Kanda was exactly seeing in the scene. It was the effect of the Innocence that was hidden in the dimension of the house he found in the woods. The Innocence was reflecting his worst nightmare which he had been hiding deep inside his heart, which was the incident that caused Allen to lose his entire memory. Hope everyone is not confused in where this story is progressing!

Lastly, please review! Everything is greatly appreciated!

~SingingBlues


	4. Starting All Over Again

**Chapter 4: Starting All Over Again**

"_What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again."―Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay _

_xxx  
><em>

He did not know what had happened right after that. The moment he used all his strength and power of his Innocence to slash through the bright golden light attempting to swallow him and Allen whole, everything just dissipated into the air, before the surroundings started crumbling down. Kanda hissed in pain as he clutched at his bleeding arm and collapsed onto the ground. He could feel something warm gradually leaving his grip, and his hand grabbed hold of it tightly without hesitation.

His vision was getting blurry, and all he could hear was piercing noises hammering at his head repeatedly. Despite his current condition, he still did not want to let him go. Kanda stared at the fading shadow of the silver-haired teen, wondering why he was trying to hold back a mere illusion of the Innocence so desperately. He knew that he wasn't Allen, and before this happened, Allen Walker had already lost his memory.

_"Kanda..."_

He heard his soft pleads, and he knew he had to let go. The raven-haired swordsman growled angrily, screaming inwardly to himself to release his hold once and for all. His heart wrenched for no reason_―_he supposed it was due to the serious injury at his arm. It wasn't what he thought to be, so why...

_"Please, Kanda!"_

Why was he so insistent on holding Allen back?

_"Go back!"_

"Kanda-dono!"

Sapphire eyes snapped open at the loud voice which was attempting to wake him up for the last five minutes. The train had stopped at the last station, and the Finder was starting to panic slightly when the raven-haired Exorcist showed no signs of waking up. Deltas heaved a sigh of relief when Kanda finally opened his eyes, staring ahead with a blank expression. He felt his pocket of his Exorcist coat, making sure that the Innocence was still secured. Grabbing Mugen by his hand, he stood up and the two of them alighted the train.

His black golem fluttered around him. Kanda stepped out of the station, staring at the Black Order located far up in the solitude mountains in silence. How long had it been since he came back here again? In the past, he had always been looking forward to coming back to the Order_―_his only home he could stay. It was the only place where he could find the peace and quiet and rest at ease. But now, he was hesitant on whether he should make his way back to that place, where that person was currently living.

"Kanda-dono?" The Finder peered at him in bewilderment, not understanding why the swordsman hadn't moved from his current position for the past few minutes. Kanda hissed in slight frustration as he forced his feet to step forward, moving into the nearby town. Being uncomfortable with crowds of people around him, he would always walk quickly with large strides. The raven-haired man tilted his head a little to avoid a stall owner who was about to approach him to advertise his products, and when he saw the exit right ahead, his eyes lit up and he increased his walking pace, before he finally got out of that bustling town. Kanda slowly stopped, panting slightly. He turned, and realised he was getting nearer to his final destination.

The Finder ran up to him seconds later, gasping some incoherent words breathlessly which he totally could not understand. Kanda did not notice, his eyes continuing to stare at the large, dull building which was just several metres away. They slowly walked up, and no matter how he tried to slow down his pace, it felt as though he was gradually sucked into the area of gravity where the Order was.

Before he realised it, the swordsman was already inside, on his way to see Komui to hand up the report and the Innocence. The Finder excused himself at the entrance, saying that he needed to report to his supervisor. Kanda just nodded his head, feeling slightly strange to be alone. Wasn't his main supervisor Komui himself? He was the one who was assigning missions to the Exorcists and allocating the Finders to them. Who else did he need to go to hand up his report? Kanda wanted to ask, but decided not to. When was he so interested in knowing someone else's business anyway? He should be glad that he was finally alone, and after handing whatever things to Komui, he could go back to his room and rest for the whole day.

Kanda stepped into the large hallway, spotting the Supervisor's office from a few distances away. He looked down, trying not to make eye contact at anyone who was passing by. Reaching for the doorknob, the raven-haired man opened the door and went inside, shutting it behind him quickly.

"Oh, you are finally back, Kanda." Komui looked up from his documents, adjusting his spectacles slightly. Kanda walked up to the desk and put down his report on his mission in silence, before he turned to leave. He did not know why he wanted to get out of here hastily, or why his heart throbbed heavily at that nostalgic yet uncomfortable feeling he was getting when he entered this office. This room reminded him of something, and he had a slight hunch that this wasn't a pleasant one to remember.

"Kanda."

The raven-haired swordsman stopped in his tracks.

"What?"

He could feel the intense gaze from Komui, and it was starting to irritate him. He knew what Komui had always wanted to ask him from the beginning, and the reason why he hadn't asked till now was because he did not want him to think that he was sympathising him. And he needed no sympathy from anyone. It wasn't as if his life was greatly affected after that accident. He was so glad that it happened, and the bond between him and the beansprout was finally severed for real. He was freed from that annoying silver-haired teen, and that was all it mattered.

After all, they were _nothing _as acquaintances.

"No, rest well for today. I will call you again when you are needed for another mission," Komui said with a sigh. Kanda walked towards the door, and as he was about to open it, it opened by its own, revealing a particular person whom he least wanted to see. The raven-haired man stumbled slightly, his eyes widening in shock at seeing Allen just standing right in front of him.

Allen.

The memory of that moment when he grabbed the wrist of the silver-haired teen before he was swallowed in the glaring light flashed in his mind repeatedly. Even till now, it felt as though it really happened_―_that he got Allen out of the way and the two of them survived from the attack. And somehow, this overwhelming emotion of wishing that it was real was so strong that he was slightly frightened by it.

Allen slowly stepped back, staring at the ground in confusion. Kanda took the chance to walk away, biding farewell to Komui before he proceeded to his room. Just as he was about to get out of here, something grabbed his arm and stopped him immediately. Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stopped abruptly, knowing very well who was the one stopping him.

Did that beansprout remember something when he saw him? It had only been three months. Did his memory recover that quickly? Maybe...that part when they got out of that blast safely was real; that Allen was alright and still remembered everyone. That...might just be a nightmare that came across his mind. Maybe he...

"Have we met before?"

He froze instantly at the question. Kanda slowly turned to him, and he saw that same blank look living in that pair of silver eyes. Reality then hit him hardly, and at that particular moment, he had the sudden urge to laugh out loud, to laugh at his mere stupidity for coming out with such a ridiculous assumption. He really thought that the scenario which he experienced just a few hours ago were real_―_that it wasn't images formed by that Innocence; that Allen's memory was still intact and he still remembered all of them; that he would irritate the hell out of him as always. It felt as though cold water was literally splashed onto him.

"Um...did you hear me just_―_"

"No."

Allen paused, staring at him in slight astonishment.

"...What?"

"No, we _haven't _met before," Kanda answered coldly, emphasising that particular word strongly for him to hear. It was enough to send the silver-haired teen into a stunned silence, but it shouldn't really matter to him whether he knew him or not. He could not even remember _anything_ about him.

_"__I love you, Kanda. Even if you will...not return me the same type of feeling in the end."_

_"__I wish that...you will be happy. Even if we would not be together."_

He hissed as pain began to hammer hardly at his head, each time whenever that particular memory was triggered. Not wanting to stay here with the silver-haired teen any longer, Kanda turned and left. He hurried up the flight of stairs, his feet walking as fast as he could. Stopping in front of his room, the swordsman took out his keys from his pocket. He fumbled it through the keyhole, cursing at the door which refused to open for him at this time. After a few tries, it finally opened, and he went inside, slamming the door behind him immediately. Kanda leaned against the door for a moment, staring at the fluttering curtains from the opened windows.

_"Have we met before?"_

His lips formed a thin line as Kanda covered his eyes with his arm in exhaustion, shutting off everything which reminded him of a certain annoying beansprout.

* * *

><p>He hadn't expect that kind of reply from a person who appeared in his life for the first time<em>―<em>for now, since he had lost his memory. Normally people would stare at him sympathetically and introduce themselves to him nicely, yet this guy did not even care in the least and threw him an instant, cold-hearted reply. What startled him slightly was the cold and emotionless gaze present in that pair of beautiful sapphire eyes when their eyes met each other. He couldn't help but think that it was his fault which made the hostile raven-haired man react so coldly towards him.

Allen walked aimlessly in the hallway, not able to stop himself from thinking of the raven-haired man he had met just now. He had a slight feeling that he was lying_―_that the both of them had known each other, long before he lost his memory. He could instantly recognise the strong scent of jasmine from his body, jolting his senses strongly as several broken memories were triggered on its own. The silver-haired teen clenched his hands, walking faster as he pondered about it. Yes, it couldn't be wrong.

He knew this person.

The silver-haired teen halted in his footsteps, realising that he had forgotten to ask his name from him. Allen frowned, wondering how he was going to describe him to others since he only glanced at him for a moment. He closed his eyes as he slowly forming an image of him in his head_―_long, raven hair, beautiful sapphire eyes, a frown at his forehead, a firm yet slender body, his lips...

_Lips..._

Silver eyes widened at seeing a blurry image of him kissing someone else_―_a man_―_in his memory. Allen gasped, his hand unconsciously covering his mouth in shock. What was that just now? Did he just...did _that _with a guy? The silver-haired teen looked down, blushing fiercely at that thought. Just what made him think of that? And why did he remember this when he was thinking of that raven-haired man?

Who was he?

...Who?

For the first time, he wanted to know someone so badly. Allen could not decipher what it was that made him so curious. Everything about that person_―_his appearance, his body scent, that nostalgic and comforting feeling he got instantly when their gazes met each other_―_all rushed straight at him immediately when he saw him. His heart throbbed lively at this foreign yet warm feeling enveloping his whole being, and he just knew that if he got to understand that raven-haired swordsman, then maybe...maybe his memory would come back in no time.

What could it be? A very close friendship which could never be severed by anything? That was the only thing he could think of. Allen winced slightly as his head throbbed every few minutes. It seemed that he couldn't think for too long. He walked up the stairs to the upper floors, pacing around the corridors as he kept an eye for the raven-haired swordsman. It was currently empty, so he would not have interruption from others.

Maybe he and Kanda were sworn brothers? Allen laughed softly at that thought. Their combination was simply too weird and slightly ridiculous. The both of them were the opposites; people who would definitely not work well together. Even so, he still wanted to find this person who might be linked to his past.

Allen slowly walked to the railings and stopped, staring at the numerous rooms of identical colour and size that he had come before. The silver-haired teen peered through the silent surroundings for a moment, before he gradually closed his eyes, hearing his faint erratic heartbeats echoing softly within his mind as he saw that faint yet familiar shadow at the back of his mind.

Silver eyes opened seconds later as he began to move. He absolutely had no idea where or how he was going to find that person from the entire Exorcist dormitories in both the second and third floors, but somehow, he just knew where he should go. Allen turned at the first bend, his head gradually remembering the route which he had explored early in the morning. He slowly walked up the flight of stairs to the third floor, his feet continuing to move forward. His hand stretched out, his fingers trailing along the smooth surface of the wall. His heart thumped hardly as a familiar jasmine body scent lingered at his nose.

Allen looked up, seeing the same door with words carved on it. His eyes widened slightly as the door opened at the same time, seeing the raven-haired man he met earlier walking out. The raven-haired man caught his gaze and froze slightly, not expecting to see him here.

"This is...your room?" Allen asked in slight astonishment, though he was puzzled at his own reaction. He hadn't thought that he would find him so quickly...and so effectively. And he was so sure that they had not met before...

"Why are you here?"

He frowned at his sudden hostility and the lack of emotions in him. The tone was so cold and unfeeling, and somehow, he was feeling slightly hurt and rejected by it.

"I...just want to ask you something."

"There is nothing we can talk about. Didn't I tell you that I do not know you?" The raven-haired man hissed. Allen bit his lip, not understanding what this overflowing emotions he was currently experiencing which almost threw him off instantly. This person clearly told him straight at his face that he did not want to see him, yet why was he still insistent on getting answers from him? Why was his heart telling him to continue?

"Are you sure we have never met before?" Allen asked.

The raven-haired man said nothing.

"Who are you?" Hearing no reply from the other, Allen dared himself to press him further, raising his tone of voice. He had a feeling that this person standing in front of him was hiding a lot of things from him. Many fuzzy images flashed continuously inside his head, showing him a particular shadow which was always with him in a room again and again, but when he wanted to seek for more, that particular memory would be cut off immediately, and he could not remember anymore. And every time he felt this way, this person would always appear, whether it was in his memory or right at his very own eyes.

He could not understand. If he really did not know him, why wasn't he saying anything? Why couldn't he deny instantly, just like what he did when they met just now?

"Allen?"

The tense atmosphere snapped as Lenalee walked towards them. He broke off the intense gaze, and as the olive-haired girl stopped at his side, the raven-haired swordsman walked away without a word. Allen stared at his faint silhouette in silence, his hand unconsciously reached up and clutched his shirt where his chest pained slightly.

"Is everything alright here?" She asked in concern. Allen blinked for a moment, before he turned and gave a light smile to her to show her that everything was alright. But...was it really alright? Even he wasn't certain about that.

"Allen, how...did you come here?" Lenalee asked in astonishment, her gaze fixating at something behind him.

"I...I don't know. Why?" He asked. Violet eyes widened in slight shock.

"This is...Kanda's room. The person who was with you just now."

Silver eyes widened as that particular name rang inside his mind repeatedly.

* * *

><p>Frankly, he was taken aback when Allen showed up right at his door. That beansprout shouldn't have known where he was staying unless he had recovered some parts of his previous memory. The past him would definitely know where he lived, because he would always come and pester him every time he had the free time. Kanda hissed softly in frustration at the recollection as he drank the cup of hot green tea in his hands, peering at the table with a blank expression.<p>

He hadn't expect Allen to ask the same questions again, which he could give him the same answer he wanted to give him ever since a long time ago. For the past seven months without the existence of the silver-haired teen in his life, Kanda had erased that name from his mind and swore to himself to forget him and never speak of him again. Now seems to be the best time to get rid of that irritating midget once and for all. Even if it means Allen might never remember him, he did not care.

He was not affected in the least.

Yet, when Allen asked for his name, he found himself unable to answer. He could just give him his name to feed to his curiosity, but he feared the consequences he had to bear_―_his name which might trigger parts of his memory. It would be better if he did not tell him anything about their past, and just say that he met him for the very first time, but another part of him wished that the beansprout could go back to normal, such that he did not have to face him with constant guilt regarding that incident, and be reminded of that particular confession he threw to him before he completely forget everything.

Kanda let out a soft sigh, drinking up the remaining tea in the cup. He stood up and returned the cup to the stall, before he grabbed his sword, deciding to go to the training room to practise. He walked past Komui's office, ignoring the people around him as he turned to another quieter corridor where there were lesser people accessing it. The raven-haired swordsman stopped at the entrance of the room, opening the wooden door aside as he stepped inside. Taking out the necessary equipment that he needed for the training from the storage room, Kanda unsheathed Mugen and blindfolded himself. Darkness clouded his vision, and he depended on his strong sense of hearing to detect where his opponents might be.

His eyes narrowed as he stepped forward, raising his sword up high and hurling it down swiftly, destroying a doll made of straw with one swift cut. He slowly stepped back, his face tilting slightly as he heard light whistles of the breeze entering the room from the opened windows. Kanda moved in slow, cautious steps, approaching another target as he slashed it with accuracy, breaking it into clean halves.

_Concentrate..._

His fingers loosened and tightened at the hilt of the sword as he prepared for the last target. As he was about to run towards it, the swordsman flinched within a second, sensing that he was not alone. Kanda turned and paced towards a warm presence he had just detected, his sword stopping just right at that person's throat. He frowned, catching a faint yet familiar body scent lingering in the air.

"Who is it?" He demanded.

"It's...it's me!" Allen squeaked in fright, his wide eyes staring at the silver blade which was millimetres from his throat. Kanda wasn't sure whether he should be surprised by the beansprout's presence. He reached up and took down the blind fold, staring at the silver-haired teen who had made his appearance in front of him for the third time of the day. Seriously, this was getting a little irritating.

"Why are you here?" Kanda asked, walking back into the dojo as he picked up the remaining straw dolls he placed for the training and cleaning up the ones that he cut with his sword. As usual, he was not pleased with someone disrupting his training session, and it just had to be because of a certain idiotic beansprout to spoil his mood.

"I just stumbled upon this place. So you always come here to train?" Allen asked in awe, stepping in and looking around the place in excitement. Kanda just watched him in silence as the silver-haired teen moved in slow, steady steps, peering at the surrounding he was in for the first time. He wondered just how much Allen had changed ever since he lost his entire past memory. That beansprout wouldn't even show such a pure curious expression on his face once. Somehow, the beansprout he was looking at now was more...real than the past him who always had that extremely fake smile hanging at his lips.

"You aren't supposed to come in. Can't you see that I'm training?" The raven-haired swordsman hissed coldly as he cleaned off the sweat at his neck.

"I'm sorry for that," Allen turned and said with a smile. Sapphire eyes widened slightly, and he found himself turning away. He seriously wasn't expecting that. Frankly, he really could not get use to this new side of Allen Walker. That irritating beansprout wouldn't apologise to him just for that. At least, not to him. Kanda grunted softly in reply, deciding to end it for the day. His concentration was completely gone with the sudden intrusion of this beansprout, and there was simply no meaning to continue if he was not at his best condition.

"Your name is Kanda right?"

Kanda froze momentarily, his eyes widening at that name coming out of his lips. Allen peered at him with a curious gaze, waiting for his reply.

"...Yes."

"I finally get to know you, Kanda!" Allen exclaimed in happiness as he stretched out his hand. Kanda just stared at it, before he looked up at him.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Allen Walker!"

_"Your name is Kanda right?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"Hello, I'm Allen Walker! Nice to meet you, Kanda!"_

He remembered their very first introduction when they met at that kind of unexpected circumstances. At that time, Allen used the same friendly tone and called out his name, introducing himself to him. Now that he thought about this, it felt rather nostalgic. As Kanda peered at his hand reaching out to him once again, he realised that Allen wasn't really gone. Allen was still here, and with the past erased, and every one of them were merely starting another new beginning with him, creating new memories that were solely theirs.

"Che."

Allen frowned slightly at his cocky attitude. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Except that their relationship would always stay the same. And he hoped that it would always stay the same within the both of them_―_that they would continue as rivals, quarreling and bickering whenever they met.

Kanda turned and stared at him with a slight smirk.

"Do I look like one who would shake hands with someone...cursed?"

Silver eyes widened slightly, and Kanda couldn't help but admire that baffled and confused look written all over his face just like before. The frown at his forehead began to deepen and Allen started to scowl, obviously offended by his blunt words.

"What the hell...why do you have to speak to me like that?" Allen snapped.

"Because...you annoy the hell out of me."

"W-What did you just say?"

And the two of them began bickering heatedly as always, and it was always Lenalee who would step between them to stop the fight from escalating. Everyone made sure to get far away from the two of them. Ever since that day, Allen would always talk to him in an extremely unfriendly and sarcastic manner. Kanda would follow suit and start mocking him in any ways to annoy the hell out of him. Everything was getting back to normal.

Everything...except that confession. It was something Kanda did not mention to anyone. It was the only thing that was preventing him and Allen from going back to where they originally belonged. Those words burnt deep within his soul, but words did not mean anything. In the end, everything was all forgotten, just like what had exactly happened to Allen.

Kanda gazed out of the windows from his room.

It would be alright.

As long as it continued on this way.

* * *

><p>"Seriously that baKanda is pissing the hell out of me!" Allen seethed loudly in anger as he strode along the hallway together with Lenalee one afternoon. Apparently, the two of them met each other and started their usual routine of bickers and fights which was usually over the smallest issues. Lenalee just smiled faintly at him and patted his shoulder silently in comfort. She was not sure what had really happened between the two of them which ended up like that, but somehow, the quarreling part sounded normal. At least...it was something which was really about Allen Walker.<p>

"I wish I can punch off that disgusting smirk hanging at his face whenever he was with me! Argh, I can't stand it!" Allen yelled loudly at the top of his voice, swinging his arms in frustration.

"Can't the two of them just talk to each other normally?" She asked with a defeated sigh.

"That will be impossible!" He answered back immediately. Lenalee shook her head and let out a sigh. She had always thought that something had definitely changed when Allen lost his memory; that everything would never return back to the same state again. She hadn't expect his relationship with Kanda to stay exactly the same, but no matter how she thought about it, Kanda was just being too calm about the whole matter. He just put it off as though nothing had happened at all.

The two of them went into the infirmary, where Allen was going to have his monthly body examination. The main purpose of the check-up was to monitor on his current condition to see whether there was any sign that he might be remembering. The silver-haired teen pushed the door and stepped in, greeting the Head Nurse who was already waiting for him. Lenalee just followed him behind as they reached to a room, and he went inside with the other medical people.

_"Nii-san, what if Allen has a little recollection about something?"_

_"That means his memory is gradually recovering back, and once it starts, this process will continue until he remembers everything." _

Lenalee leaned lightly against the wall, folding her arms as she stared at the faint ceiling lights at the corridor she was currently in. She was already content at how he currently was. There was simply no need for him to remember something so horrible and miserable in his past life, even if that means he would never be an Exorcist again. Violet eyes softened as she slowly recalled the happy memories she and Allen had, and he was always at his smiles every day. There was no facades, no pretense. Allen was showing how he was exactly feeling_―_lively and simply alive.

If he did not remember, he did not need to face the wrath of the Vatican's punishments.

If he did not remember, he did not need to face the inner battle between him and the Fourteenth Noah inside him.

If he did not remember, he did not need to work so hard just to fulfill his duty as an Exorcist, and continue destroying his own body which was already broken long ago.

If he did not remember...

Lenalee hissed softly, clenching her hands hardly as she stopped her thoughts before it led to something she did not want to expect. She could not be so selfish. Allen had the right to know what had happened to himself for the past few months. He had the right to choose the path he wanted to take, even if it meant going towards his death. Her lips curved as she shut her eyes, trying to control her emotions.

Yes, right now, she was in charge of taking care of him. And her job was to make sure that Allen recovered fully in his current state, and this would also mean getting back his original memory if possible.

The door slowly opened as Allen stepped out, thanking the doctors and nurses for helping him with the examination as always. Lenalee peered at him in silence, not liking how friendly he was in showing gratitude for those who was helping him to recover his memory. He totally had no idea where he was going to. What good would it do to him if he remembered everything?

"I'm all done here, Lenalee."

She had a feeling that the Allen she was seeing now...would disappear when his memory came back.

"Lenalee?"

"No, it's nothing! Let's go, shall we?" Lenalee said with a smile. Allen nodded his head and the two of them walked out of the infirmary, thinking of where they were going next.

"Where is Lavi?" Allen asked.

"Lavi has gone on a mission with Kanda. It was brought in short-notice, and most of our Exorcists are out on missions, thus nii-san can only ask the two of them to go and check it out. They are just at the next town from here," Lenalee replied, though she had heard that the mission wasn't about finding Innocence. Retrieving the Innocence was always the Order's top priority, so she was slightly puzzled on Komui's decision, but if he asked the two of them to check it out, it meant that the details about this mission should not be underestimated with. Something must be going on in that town which caught the Order's attention.

"I see. Hope Lavi isn't bothered with that baKanda's attitude," Allen said with a slight snort. Lenalee giggled at his reply.

"Don't worry about that, since it is going to be the other way round."

Silver eyes widened slightly at her words.

"You mean...Kanda would be bothered by Lavi instead?"

"Lavi loves to talk, while Kanda prefers peace and quiet around him, so their personalities clashes with each other. Not to mention that they are going on a mission together. Lavi can be annoying sometimes. Well, you may not notice it, but the two of them are actually good friends," She explained as they reached the cafeteria. Now that she thought about it, Allen hardly knew anything about Kanda ever since he woke up. The swordsman left for a mission immediately after that sudden visit, and Allen probably did not remember much when he first woke up from six months' of comatose.

The silver-haired teen stayed silent as he listened to her story intently, his eyebrow raising in slight intrigue and his eyes fixated onto her gaze and nowhere else. She was slightly surprised by his level of attention towards something even though he had no recollection of it, and it seems that Allen was more interested in knowing information relating to Kanda recently. For a person he had only met for once or twice, his curiosity was a little too much.

"How long would they be away?" He asked.

"Hmm. Probably around a few weeks."

Lenalee just stared at Allen in silence as he turned away, having some thoughts in mind. As far as she knew, Allen was rarely concerned with the affairs of the Black Order. Ever since he lost his memory, he did not ask much about the foundation of the Order and what they were basically doing. She thought that it would be good as well, since he wouldn't understand much in his current state, and feeding him unnecessary information might trigger his past memories as well. She did not want to risk that.

"I see."

They walked out of the gates, going to the nearest town to buy some groceries for Jerry, the Order's cook. Now that she thought about it, it was Allen's first time getting out after spending months inside the Order. The silver-haired teen looked around in excitement, taking slow steps forward as he tried to absorb everything that he saw in his own eyes. A smile slowly formed at his curved lips and he started running down a hill leading down to the entrance of the town below.

"Wait up, Allen!" Lenalee shouted, increasing her pace as her eyes were fixated on him, making sure that he did not leave her sight. It was mid-afternoon, and the market in town was bustling with people as usual. Allen stopped at the entrance, peering inside with growing anticipation. He looked back at Lenalee who was coming down with an impatient look, and she couldn't help but laugh slightly at his pouted face.

"Hurry up, Lenalee!"

"Okay!" Lenalee skidded down the slope and ran up to him. Allen smiled brightly and grabbed her hand with his own. Violet eyes widened slightly, blushing slightly in embarrassment at the sudden gesture. Allen did not notice and just pulled her together with him, entering the small town.

There was a festival going on, and both of them found themselves enjoying every moment of it, forgetting that they had an errand to do. Allen tugged her sleeves, beckoning her silently to come to his side. Lenalee blinked as she came over, and when she peered over his shoulder, her eyes widened at the small kittens which let out a loud yawn and snuggled closely to their mum.

"Cute!"

"I think you will like him, Lenalee, so you really have to see this," Allen replied with a smile. Lenalee nodded her head vigorously, her eyes not leaving the kitten as she bent down, her hand reaching out cautiously to the little one's head. As her finger gently touched its head, the kitten opened its beady eyes and purred softly. She gasped.

"Wanna buy it, lady? I can give you a good offer," The man tending to the stall asked politely. She almost wanted to say yes, but realised that the kitten would be separated from its mother if she bought it.

"What's wrong?" Allen asked, looking at her.

"I...I think it's okay, Allen. I don't know whether I can take good care of it..." Lenalee said, pulling her hand away. The kitten blinked and stared at her, and her heart wrenched a little at her decision. She knew that newborns needed to rely heavily on its parents, and imagining it being separated from its mother reminded her of that harsh period of time when she and Komui had to depend on themselves when their parents died.

"Can we buy the two kittens and the mother cat?"

Violet eyes widened as she turned to stare at Allen who was talking to the stall owner. The man blinked in surprise by his request, not expecting someone to be interested in the mother cat as well, but he nodded his head several minutes later. The silver-haired teen paid him the money and took the cage with the cats inside. He then turned and handed it over to her. Lenalee just stared at him in slight astonishment.

"Why aren't you taking it? It's my birthday present to you. Your birthday is coming next week right?" Allen asked. She reached out and took it carefully, making sure that the cats were comfortable inside.

"Thank you, Allen," Lenalee said, not knowing what to say. She did not know that Allen could remember so well even if he had forgotten everything. The olive-haired girl hugged the cage closely at her chest, and as a warm, bubbly feeling surged within her, she couldn't help but smile back at him.

They continued to walk in the market, seeing and trying out new things that they hadn't done before. Allen was running in front of her, waving excitedly to her to walk quickly such that they could finish seeing everything before they would leave for the day. His silver strands fluttered beautifully in the air, and as she stared at his radiant smile, her heart skipped a beat in response. And she firmly believed that the accident which happened seven months was something to made things right again.

To return the real Allen Walker back to them.

"Allen, we still have not bought the groceries yet! Jerry needs them by the end of evening!" She shouted from a distance, but her voice was drowned instantly as a parade was starting. Everyone stepped aside and cheered loudly as rows of musicians and performers dressed in forms of clowns and circus players walked along the streets. She squeezed through the crowd, muttering apologies as she went to where Allen was. That pair of gentle silver eyes sparkled brightly as he watched the performance in close view, and she wondered what he was thinking right now.

"Allen?"

Loud, rhythmic music continued to play in the background. The clowns spun around gracefully, holding their masks at their faces_―_large wide smiles which looked happy yet a little sinister and eerie, and somehow, it reminded her of the Millennium Earl. Lenalee turned anxiously to Allen once again, and realised that he wasn't just staring. His unmoving eyes, dull and colourless, just continued to stare at a particular point. She shook his arm tightly, but he hardly responded, smiling sweetly at the direction where the clowns had gone to.

"Allen! Allen!" Lenalee shrieked, shaking him violently in order to get his consciousness back.

The mixed noises of the crowd dispersing echoed loudly as the performance was over. Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen turned to Lenalee who was desperately calling out his name repeatedly.

"Lenalee?"

She hugged him immediately, and it was so tight that he found himself hard to breathe properly. Allen blinked in bewilderment, his hands slowly going up to her back in reflex as he patted her gently. Lenalee leaned close to his shoulder, sniffing in his faint body scent which slowly calmed herself down. At that particular moment when Allen froze in place, she had a bad feeling that she might have lost him on the spot, that he would not wake up anymore, and it terribly frightened her.

She slowly let him go, and Allen stared at her in concern.

"Are you alright, Lenalee?"

Lenalee took in a deep breath and cleaned away the moist at her eyes threatening to fall. She turned to him and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Let's go. We need to go back after buying the groceries."

He nodded his head, and they began to walk to the grocery store just a few metres away. The olive-haired Exorcist stepped into the shop, her eyes looking back to make sure that the silver-haired teen did not wander away. She then turned to face the stall owner who approached her at the counter.

"Can I have all the things written in this list?" She handed him the list that Jerry gave her. The owner read through the list briefly, before he nodded his head and proceeded to the storage room at the back. Allen came and joined her, and as they waited, she taught him some food ingredients he had never seen or heard before. He listened attentively as always, and sometimes they laughed at the funny names they created from the food ingredients.

The stall owner came back with bags of groceries in his hands. Lenalee paid him the money and they took them, walking out of the store. It was already evening, and the sun was gradually setting behind the mountains just around where the Black Order was. They had to return home, and Allen was rather reluctant in leaving this great place which brought him so much fun. Seeing his gloomy face, she promised him that she would bring him here again. His face lit up immediately as the silver-haired teen showed out his pinky finger.

"Promise?"

Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at him in astonishment. Her pinky finger slowly reached out and hooked together with his.

"Promise."

They walked along the streets, and as they was about to step out of the town when she felt some movements deep inside a dark alley that they had gone past. That was initially her main concern as her senses were in full alert, thinking that an Akuma might be close by. But when she felt a loss of warmth beside her, she panicked immediately. Lenalee turned, seeing that Allen was not with her.

"Allen!"

She ran, searching all over the town for signs of the silver-haired teenager. Lenalee stumbled across the same dark alley, and was surprised to find Allen there. She slowly walked towards him, peering intently at the darkness where she was sure she sensed a faint existence hiding in there. As Lenalee walked cautiously to where Allen was, her violet eyes slowly widened at seeing a man__―_a white clown__―_wearing a black hat and white mask over his face with a rather morbid smile decorating his plain features.

"It has been a very long time, Allen."

* * *

><p>AN: This story is gradually progressing to the usual plot of DGM, which means that there will be more drama and fighting scenes between Exorcists and the enemy in future chapters. Allen will slowly remember through the series of events, and Yullen is still not obvious for now, but it will be. Soon... so please be patient with me! I know the progress of this story is slow, but I really do appreciate reviews which will motivate me to continue this story! I currently have many ideas in my mind which I have noted them down to use for writing future chapters, and I'm really excited in writing the story plot out.

It's a rather long chapter! Please bear with me!

This masked man I mentioned here should be familiar to all of you if you are updated with the manga of DGM. There is a reason why he made an appearance in this chapter, so stay tuned for the next one!

Please review! And sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes once again!

~SingingBlues


	5. Memories

**Chapter 5: Memories**

"_The past is never where you think you left it."―Katherine Anne Porter_

_xxx_

_"There has been a report from the Finders yesterday which says that there are some...strange phenomenon going on in Wesley Town, around five miles from the Order," Komui explained as Reever handed the related documents to Kanda and Lavi for reviewing. Lavi hummed a soft tune at his lips as he read through the papers quickly. _

_"What is happening in that particular town?" Kanda asked gruffly, half glaring at the redhead as he wondered why he had to go on a mission with another idiot. _

_"Hmm. It is something that the Finders cannot explain, so the two of you need to go there and see for yourselves. It is not confirmed whether it might be the cause of the Innocence, but their request seems rather urgent, so I think it is better to send the two of you to check it out for now," The Supervisor answered as he adjusted his spectacles, taking up his cup of coffee to drink. Komui then spluttered slightly, muttering about "Lenalee's coffee is so much better for drinking" under his breath. He shot a glare at Reever who instantly looked away, whistling to himself.  
><em>

_"Hmph. I can check this alone. There is no need for this rabbit to follow me," Kanda answered._

_"It has been a while since we work together in a mission, Yuu-chan! I seriously can't wait!" Lavi piped up in excitement. _

_"Stop calling me by that name!" Kanda snapped. Lavi continued to grin madly as though nothing had happened. _

_"Okay, okay. I need you two to set off now. And please do not fight in my office. I do not want my only working place in shambles," Komui let out a sigh as he stood up and walked back to his desk. _

Kanda sat at the far corner of the train, leaning against the window as he gazed at the green meadows in silence. He was slightly glad that Komui gave him another mission to work on, but he never expected that Lavi would be tagging along with him. Speaking of that dumb rabbit, the redhead was snoring loudly beside him, and he had to flick away that heavy head of his leaning on his shoulder for every five seconds. Although his existence was still as annoying as always, he was thankful that Lavi was not pestering him for once.

His loosened raven strands brushed across his face, and the raven-haired man let out a irritated grunt as he tucked his hair behind his ear. It was only a two-hour ride, and they would be reaching in exactly ten minutes. Since it was only an investigation which might not be involved in the case of Innocence, he doubted that the situation wasn't as serious as it would be. They could be returning after a day or two. However, Komui wouldn't just hand this particular mission to the two of them. Even though most of them were out, there were still other Exorcists available for this minor issue. He would not just assigned this specifically to the _two of them_.

"So you have noticed, Yuu?"

Kanda turned, seeing that the annoying redhead was awake. He wondered if Lavi was feigning sleep all these while, but he noticed that the usual playful tone in his voice was gone.

"I told you to stop calling me that, Usagi."

"Don't switch the topic. It's strange right? Why would Komui assign such a minor mission to us and not to the others? If it is only to investigate, he could have asked other Exorcists instead of us. And if it might not involve the Innocence, why would he ask _two _Exorcists to go? Isn't you enough for that?" Lavi said, leaning back to his seat as he stared at the ceiling.

"For once, I agree with you," Kanda snorted at his assumption. Lavi let out an awkward chuckle at the obvious sarcasm in his statement.

"There must be something going on in that town, Yuu. Something that threatens the current position of the Black Order. And if _it _really exists..."

"Then we will have to eliminate it," Kanda finished, grabbing his sword as he stood up. The train was gradually slowing down as it entered the station. The two Exorcists came out of the cabin as they alighted, walking into the station. Lavi grabbed the map of the vicinity at the counter, opening it as he looked for the town which they were heading to. Kanda was in the mart, buying the necessities that they needed during the journey. With everything settled, they walked out of the station, proceeding to their destination.

"Yuu, why are you and Allen still bickering as always? Shouldn't you make use of this chance to be...good buddies with that little bean?" Lavi popped out the question all of a sudden as they walked along a dirty path which would lead to the town.

"That beansprout and I are enemies and nothing else. And stop asking the same question as the others. I do not understand why I should change the relationship with that midget when it is a fact that we do not get along with each other, even if he lost his memory or not," Kanda hissed in reply, kicking away the beetle which was in his way.

"Aww, so cold and heartless. Don't you feel any sympathy for him at all?" Lavi asked, staring at the poor insect which was struggling to get up on its feet.

"No," Kanda answered without hesitation. That beansprout was not worth sympathising. Such a puny attack from a level three Akuma could even cause him to lose his memory...seriously, what a load of bullshit. And how dare he stretch out his arms and gladly take the entire blow for him? Was that beansprout seriously blind, or did he have no brains in the first place? Didn't he see that he was right behind him, seeing everything with his own eyes? Did he actually think that he did not have the ability to handle it, that he could die from it? Hah! Kanda Yuu will never die so pathetically! Even if he would die, he would die gloriously and not be saved by an idiotic beansprout who could not even take care of himself!

Lavi stared blankly at the obstinate swordsman for a moment, before he burst out in laughter instead. Kanda frowned in slight displeasure.

"Do I look like I'm joking with you, Usagi?"

"No, no. I just...I was thinking...that you really care for Allen," Lavi replied as he toned down his laughter, chuckling to himself. His eyes widened slightly at that sudden remark and Kanda found himself at a loss for words.

"Do not feel guilty for something which had already happened."

Sapphire eyes flashed in anger. Within seconds, Kanda unsheathed his sword and pointed straight at the redhead's throat. Lavi stopped in his footsteps, not reacting much to the current danger in front of him as that pair of cold emerald eyes pierced through him hardly. The raven-haired Exorcist frowned, slightly disturbed by the extreme calmness in the bookman junior. What trick was that redhead trying to play this time?

"Why are you so worked up over this particular incident, Yuu?" Lavi asked in a serious tone, challenging the raven-haired swordsman to explain himself right now. Kanda snarled, jabbing the sharp edge of the black blade at his throat which caused the skin to tear open. Dark crimson blood started oozing out of the small cut, trailing down his neck as it gradually stained the collar of his Exorcist uniform.

"What made you so agitated that you cannot even control yourself, Kanda? Did something happen between you and Allen?" Lavi continued to ask with a slight smirk on his face. The swordsman let out a low growl as he shot a death glare at him.

"Back off, Lavi." Kanda warned with a soft yet sharp hiss. Damn that readable eyes of his and his knowledge as a Bookman. That irritating rabbit certainly knew how to use his brilliant skill of reading people's thoughts to provoke him. He might hit the right spot to his wound, but he sure as hell did not want him to pry open his privacy and poke further into his business.

The two of them just stared at each other for a moment, neither one of them speaking a single word. A soft breeze passed by, soft rustles echoing in the air as it brushed through the dirty ground. The edges of their Exorcist uniforms stirred slightly, moving in the direction of the wind. The tension seems to have cooled down slightly by it. Lavi let out a sheepish laugh as he raised his hands up in surrender. Kanda seems to have lost the mood to fight as well and redrew his sword, sheathing it.

"So scary, Yuu-chan," Lavi teased playfully.

"You are the one hitting the buttons, Usagi. And stop calling me by that name!" Kanda hissed in reply. The energetic laughter from the redhead echoed lightly in the air, and the two of them were good once again, continuing their way to the town. They talked once in a while, but both of them made sure not to mention anything in regards to that particular incident just now.

The raven-haired Exorcist was a little glad that Lavi stopped probing, because if he did, Kanda was sure he would not hesitate to kill him with his sword instantly. And he was certain that Lavi knew this point very well, which was why the redhead chose to stop asking at the end. And that cheeky smile of his somehow irritated him which resembled the poker face of a certain beansprout he knew so well.

"We are here."

Kanda looked up, seeing the entrance of the town which was named 'Wesley Town'. Everything seems indifferent; almost the same as any town they had gone to. They stepped inside and stopped, inspecting the surroundings to detect anything suspicious, but none was caught by his sapphire eyes which had been alert ever since he stepped down the train. Even his senses did not react much as he faced the crowds of people with little or no threats at all.

"It looks like a normal town to me," Lavi commented. They began to move forward in a slow walk, observing the town closely. People were walking around the stalls along the streets, looking for anything which would catch their interest, and the sellers were screaming at the top of their voices, trying to attract customers to look at their products. The children were running about while the adults were busily shopping while others just stood aside, watching the activities in silence.

It _certainly _looked normal to him. But something seems to be very wrong here.

"Yuu?"

Kanda stopped as he stared at an alley, seeing some teenagers playing among themselves. He could not decipher the weird yet slightly nostalgic feeling he got at that moment he entered. This town just seems...too normal.

"Let's meet the Finders first. Where are they now?"

"They are currently at the nearby church," Lavi replied. Kanda nodded his head and the two of them hurried to where the Finders currently were. As he was about to turn at the first bend, something flashed across his eye all of a sudden, and the swordsman was so startled by it that he halted in his footsteps, almost crashing into someone walking by. Kanda hissed in slight pain as he felt his throbbing head. He looked ahead, his eyes capturing a blurred image of a brown-haired teenager just standing at the lamp post in front of him who looked extremely familiar.

Kanda shut his eyes and shook his head slightly. As he opened his eyes once again, they slowly widened in shock and slight horror at the clearer vision of the small-built teenager with brown-coloured hair who was still staring at him from a distance, clutching the lamp post with his hands.

"Yuu-chan! I thought you have lost your way!" Lavi ran to him after noticing that the swordsman wasn't with him. Hearing no reply from the other, the redhead frowned slightly at the horrified expression the raven-haired Exorcist was showing for the first time. He turned to the direction Kanda was staring at, and after a while, emerald eyes slowly widened at what he was exactly seeing.

"Y-Yuu...can you tell me whether I am hallucinating?" The redhead asked in slight hesitation, nudging his shoulder.

"No, you are not. But...why is he here?" Kanda muttered. Just as they were contemplating about what was going on here, someone walked past, blocking their visions for a few seconds. When he walked away, the brown-haired teenager had mysteriously vanished. Kanda turned away in slight confusion, trying to sort out his messy thoughts in his head.

"There is definitely something going on in this town. We have to see the Finders and hear their side of the story," Lavi said urgently. The two of them rushed off to the church, and when they reached, a Finder suddenly appeared right in front of them, his arms swinging around dangerously as he shrieked some incoherent words which they could not understand. Lavi dodged by reflex, while Kanda took his sheathed sword and use the hilt to hit him hardly at his stomach.

"I am so sorry, Exorcists!" A Finder ran out and grabbed onto the unconscious one, apologising profusely. The rest of them were inside, and they seems rather restless and insecure.

"Tell us what happened," Kanda said as the both of them stepped inside. The Finder handed the unconscious Finder to another person, before he turned back to them.

"I am John Scott, and together with my group, we are supposed to petrol around this area of town. Everything seems to be alright, and we are about to return to the Order to hand up our reports when one of us suddenly got...seriously ill." He turned, and their gazes followed to the man whom Kanda had hit just a few minutes ago.

"Why is he like this?" Lavi questioned. John just sighed and shook his head.

"We do not know what causes him to become like this. His mental state is very unstable, he is mostly delusional and all he ever says is that someone is going to kill him very soon. We thought this might be normal since that guy named Sunny over there has a past record."

The man woke up several minutes later and began sobbing uncontrollably as the others started comforting him.

"But recently, some of my other group mates have been telling me that they are seeing some illusions which should not be real. Like...dead friends and family members randomly walking around the streets...you know what I mean?"

"Did you check for signs of Innocence?" Lavi asked.

"We thought of that possibility, but there is no result so far to prove that point. It might be due to Akuma, so we took refuge in this abandoned church at the moment. I really do not know what to do, and if this is not solved quickly, it won't be just Sunny who will turn crazy," John replied grimly, looking at the others who was staring at him worriedly.

"But if there is no Innocence, why do Akuma even bother to come here?" Kanda muttered as he turned, staring at the clear sky and the peaceful town outside.

"Me and my other group mate will continue to check through this matter. Our mental states are...clearer and better than the rest of us here. Meanwhile, I hope that the two of you can help around and investigate," The Finder said with a weak smile.

"Of course we will help! Or else why are we here? Right, Yuu-chan?" Lavi turned to Kanda for a reply, but the swordsman was already making his way out of the church. Before he could stomp off in any particular direction, something grabbed his wrist and stopped him. The raven-haired man growled as he yanked away the hand and turned around, glaring at a certain redhead.

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what', Yuu-chan? Where are you going?" Lavi asked with a slight frown. That guy wasn't just going to any random places in town to search for any Innocence or whatever stuff that was causing all these problems, was he?

"Do not even try to stop me, Usagi. Komui may have paired us for this mission, but he did not say that the investigation has to be done together, so you can go your own way," Kanda hissed as he walked off, only to be stopped by Lavi who stepped in front of him, blocking his way.

"What is wrong with you?" The redhead asked sternly.

"I have no time to argue with you, Lavi," Kanda answered coldly. He already knew that something was wrong in this town_―_that despite the activities of the people were normal_―_the moment _he _appeared, he knew that something was amiss, because that person _shouldn't _be here at all.

"Yuu_―"_

"You know it."

Lavi blinked, staring at him in slight bewilderment.

"What?"

"That _person _we saw just now," Kanda hissed. Emerald eyes slowly widened in realisation at what he was implying.

"But you know that it isn't him! It is just...someone who looks like him!" Lavi exclaimed.

"And does this explains why the Finders have been acting weird all these while? Doesn't this make sense?" Kanda argued back.

"But...his hair is brown," Lavi said in an uncertain voice, averting his gaze to the ground as he spoke quietly.

But Kanda was very sure that it was him. He could never forget his face features, his height, his body size and that look reflected in that similar pair of eyes he knew so well. And he was the last person he ever wanted to remember in his life.

Why was that beansprout here?

* * *

><p>"It has been a very long time, Allen."<p>

Allen stared at the white masked clown in slight curiosity and bewilderment, wondering why he knew his name even though he did not meet him before...

_Allen._

He let out a soft hiss as he shut his eyes, touching his head which began to hurt slightly as several broken images started appearing in his head momentarily. The silver-haired teen swallowed thickly as he opened his eyes again, seeing blurred visions dancing in front of him. Allen frowned as he blinked a few times, focusing on the clown's smiling face who was staring back at him.

_Keep walking, Allen. _

He saw a vision of him when he was young, and someone was there, calling his name with such a soothing voice as he ruffled his hair gently with his hand. He looked up and smiled at him, but...

Who was he smiling to?

"Allen."

Allen turned and stared at Lenalee in slight stupor and confusion. She gripped his arm and told him that they had to go home now. He just nodded his head blankly and followed her lead as she took him out of here. As they began to walk out of the alley, the silver-haired teen turned back, hoping that the white clown would still be there. The clown was still there, watching him in silence as he waved, bidding farewell to him. At that moment, he couldn't describe the strange yet warm feeling invading his body which seems to chase all his anxiety and loneliness away, and Allen found himself waving back at the stranger, hoping that he would see him again.

They returned to the Black Order, and he went back to his room, leaning by the window as he recalled that particular clown he met in the town just a few hours ago. Somehow, he just seems strangely familiar, like he definitely met him before. Allen let out a soft sigh as he went to sit down on the chair, facing the wall which seems to be too plain and empty, as though something should be hung there, like a portrait or something...

Suddenly, a large portrait of a clown walking on a white path in the dark surrounding flashed across his mind. Silver eyes widened as he stood up abruptly, wincing as his foot kicked against the sharp leg of the table. Yes, why didn't he think of it right at the beginning, that the clown he saw just now resembled the one in the portrait?

Allen rushed out of his room and sprinted to the Exorcists' dormitories, searching through his memories as he tried to remember where that particular room was. The silver-haired teen hissed as the pain began to hammer deeply in his head whenever he tried to think hardly, but no matter what, he had to remember where it was. He ran up the stairs, stopping by the corridor as he gasped heavily, catching his breath. His vision started to darken and his body began to tremble uncontrollably. The silver-haired teen gritted his teeth as he forced himself to walk, reaching to the door of a room. He reached out and opened it weakly.

The door slowly opened with a soft creak, and at the wall, there was a portrait of a white clown walking on a long path leading to nowhere. Allen walked inside weakly, stopping at the side of the bed as he stared at the portrait closely. The clown he saw at the town looked exactly like the one he saw at the town, and that clown knew him.

Why?

Allen turned to stare at the dark maroon Exorcist uniform hanging at the cupboard which had been left untouched. He slowly touched the uniform, getting the same nostalgic feeling traveling inside his body.

_"It has been a very long time, Allen."_

He slowly took off the uniform and held it by his hands, touching the shimmering silver cross of the Black Organisation lightly with his fingers. Allen slowly closed his eyes, remembering that moment when the Exorcists set off proudly from Komui's office to start their missions. It had always been an honor for them to wear the dark maroon uniform which represented the infamous Black Order, and he thought it would be really cool for him to wear one as well. If only...

_If only...?_

An image of him wearing the uniform suddenly flashed across his mind. Silver eyes snapped open in shock as Allen stared at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He slowly looked at himself who was currently wearing plain clothes, before he stared at the uniform in his hands. A sad smile formed at his lips as he hung the uniform back at the cupboard where it was last placed. What was he thinking? There was no way he would be an Exorcist. He couldn't even remember anything. He would only become their burden instead.

After feeling it for the last time, the silver-haired teen turned and walked out of the room.

The next day, Allen found himself standing in front of the gates which would lead him to the outside world. He wondered what brought him here_―_for what reason did he want to go out once again? The silver-haired teen slowly walked forward, stopping at the metal gates as he reached out, trailing his fingers lightly on its cold surface. His silver hair fluttered in the wind as Allen turned to the gatekeeper.

"Open the gates."

"Allen-san? I thought you have bought the groceries yesterday. Why do you want to go out again?" The gatekeeper said in slight bewilderment.

"I want to see the town again," He said with a smile no one could resist. The gatekeeper wasn't certain what he should do.

"Did you get permission from Komui or Lenalee? As far as I know, you can't go out alone in your current condition..."

"I promise that I will come back by evening. Please? I just want to go to the town again. Besides, Tim is following me," Allen said, touching the soft golden fur of the golem which landed on his shoulder. There was silence for a few minutes.

"Alright. But you have to report this to Lenalee."

"Yes, I will!" Allen beamed in happiness, though he wondered whether he should really report his current whereabouts to Lenalee. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but in order to affirm something from his broken memory, he had to do this.

The black gates slowly opened, and he stepped out, walking down the path which would lead to the town that he went yesterday. Allen walked into the crowds, looking around as he searched for the white clown. The silver-haired teen walked along the street, until he reached the same alley where the clown made his appearance. He paused for a moment, his hand touching the rough edge of the wall as he found himself unable to move forward. Somehow, his instincts were telling him that the clown would still be there, at that same place where he met him yesterday.

Allen turned, and to his slight shock, the white clown was really there, greeting him with a bright smile. The silver-haired teen squinted his eyes, and he slowly walked towards the man who had a slight familiarity in him. The silver-haired teen stopped a few metres across him, and the white clown walked forward, ruffling his hair gently with his hand.

"I'm so glad that you are here again, Allen."

He did not know why, but he wanted to smile to this stranger who brought him a strange yet warm feeling bubbling in his stomach. The white clown gestured him to follow, and Allen nodded his head, walking together with him as they entered the main street.

They started to talk, mostly about themselves, and Allen found it rather comfortable confiding in this person, without needing to consider other opinions that people might have against him. It might be because the people in the Order knew him well in his past that he found it hard to communicate with them, including Lenalee and Lavi, or it might be because he was a mere stranger and he was just lending a listening ear to hear his problems.

The mysterious clown was telling him a joke, and Allen gasped out, covering his mouth in an attempt not to laugh out. The adult beside him chuckled and said another joke, and the silver-haired teen finally laughed out uncontrollably, stumbling in his steps as he almost fell. The clown reached out and grabbed his arm before he really fell onto the ground. Silver eyes widened slightly as Allen looked up and stared at him in slight astonishment.

He realised that he was not wearing the white mask, and he was now looking at the face of a man.

_Keep walking, Allen._

Allen winced slightly at that broken memory which came out again. The clown smiled and helped him up.

"Are you alright?" He asked, patting his head gently with his hand once again. Allen just stared at him in silence as he continued to ruffle his hair lightly, before he pulled him into a light embrace. The silver-haired teen leaned against his chest lightly, breathing in a light yet sweet scent from his body.

"I'm so glad that you are living well, Allen..."

He recognised the slight choking tone in his voice. Lenalee had that same tone in her voice, mostly when he asked her questions relating to his memory and the people he met whom he could not remember. She would hug him, telling him that everything would be alright. He then felt dampness at his shoulders, and wondered whether she was crying.

Now, was this stranger crying for him?

_Allen..._

Another part of his memory flashed past his mind. It was snowing heavily, and he was trudging on the pile of snow. He was holding hands with someone walking beside him, and he knew that even though it was freezing in this cold weather, he would always be warm whenever this person was here with him. He looked up, and seeing his smile, he smiled as well.

_"Are you cold, Allen?"_

_"No, ..." (Mutterings)_

"Allen?"

Silver eyes snapped open as he stared at the white clown, slightly stunned. Allen then looked around, realising that he was back on the streets in the town. As those memories began to flash in his head, the black figure who was always with him was getting clearer and closer to his reach at each recollection. He almost called out his name just now. But what was this painful wrench at his chest whenever he was remembering him?

"It's late. You should go home now." He felt something warm slipping into his hand, and as he turned, their hands were clasped together. Allen looked up, staring at him in slight astonishment. The white clown just smiled and brought him back to the front of the alley where they met. They gradually stopped, and that comforting warmth was slowly dissipating as he felt his hand slipping away from his.

"See you again, Allen." The white clown turned and walked away. As Allen stared at him from a distance, a broken image of black and white suddenly flashed in front of his vision, and he saw the same figure walking away into the heavy snow storm, almost the same as what he was seeing now. He stretched out his hand, trying to reach out to that faint shadow which was slowly disappearing from his sight.

"Don't go..." He murmured softly, a tear streaming down his face.

_Don't go! Don't leave me alone again!_

"...Mana."

* * *

><p>Kanda walked around the streets as one of the Finders, John, went into every store to gather information which might link to the strange happenings they were currently experiencing in this town. The raven-haired man stopped as he stared at the numerous people walking past and the daily activities that he would normally see in a town. Everything seems to be perfectly okay, yet something within this town was bugging him.<p>

"Tom!"

He turned, seeing a young boy falling down in front of him. Several children came by, helping him up as they asked whether he was alright. The young boy with blonde hair just smiled sheepishly, showing his white, buck teeth.

"I'm okay!"

The boy turned to him, and Kanda just stared at him in silence. His golden hair fluttered lightly in the light breeze blowing past them. Sapphire eyes narrowed slightly as some memories flashed across his mind. Somehow, he had a feeling that he had seen this boy somewhere, but he could not remember where or when he saw him.

"Let's go?" One of the girls held his arm and asked with a smile.

_"Are you hurt, Tom?"_

_"I'm alright!" He laughed, patting off the dust on his pants and shirt._

_"Let's go?" One of the girls held his arm and tugged his shirt slightly. _

His eyes slowly widened in shock.

_"Yeah!"_

"Yeah!" He shouted in reply, and the children ran off to play on their own. Kanda stared at the small group in slight horror, wondering whether he was imagining things. Now that he remembered, he was with that beansprout at the town near the Order around a year ago, and as he waited for him to finish buying the things he needed, he saw a group of kids running by, and one of the boys fell right in front of him. His friends ran up to check whether he was fine. After that, they ran off again, disappearing into the crowd. At that time, the boy who fell was a blonde, just like what was exactly happening now.

"Kanda-san?"

The swordsman looked up to see the Finder staring at him in bewilderment. Kanda shook his head, telling him inwardly that he was fine.

"So how is it?"

"So far, there is nothing relevant which can prove that the Innocence might exist. I got news from the others just now. There are no signs of Akuma as well," John sighed. The raven-haired man just frowned in slight absurd. Nothing? There had got to be something happening in this place! And that memory which he remembered was disturbing him slightly. What made him remember something which happened such a long time ago, and a memory with that beansprout in particular?

They continued to move on, asking for information on the way. Each time the Finder came out of a particular store, he would shake his head dejectedly. They went separate ways, and Kanda searched through the small alleys and streets where there were less people walking by frequently, checking whether there might be any Akuma lurking around.

Seeing that there wasn't anything suspicious, he turned at the first bend and was about to walk back to the main street when Kanda suddenly halted in his footsteps. The swordsman looked around the area, wondering why he had a slight nostalgic feeling as he walked in the town for the entire day. And why was he so familiar in exactly where he should go to walk out of these small streets despite his first time here? This place was rather large, and one might lose his way here if he did not have a map with him. The map was with Lavi all the time, so how did he walk through this town without any aid at all?

"The mitarashi dangos sold here are really nice! We should come here again to buy them!"

Kanda turned and stared at a group of girls walking out of a food store in front of him, each holding a stick of the sweet dessert as they popped one into their mouths, chewing it slowly. They gasped in delight, chatting among themselves as they walked out of the small street. The swordsman slowly paced his way to the entrance of the food store, peering at the long queue of people who were waiting to order the dessert.

_"Please, Kanda! Let's make a stop there before we go home!" Allen whined with pleading eyes, tugging his Exorcist coat to prevent him from leaving._

_"And why should I? This is your business," Kanda said, slapping off his hand as he turned, making his way back to the Order. He wasn't going to waste his time accompanying the beansprout to fulfill his desires when he had other things to do. _

_"Kanda!" Allen begged as he grabbed onto his arm, refusing to let go. _

_"Let go," Kanda warned with a hiss, shooting a glare at Allen to tell him inwardly that if he did not let go of his arm this instant, he would use Mugen and gladly cut his hands away. _

_"Please! Just for a few minutes! Kanda!" Allen continued to plead, this time hugging him by his waist. Sapphire eyes widened in horror at this absurdity he was now experiencing. He wanted to finish this puny beansprout this instant, but he realised that they were attracting crowds around them, and some people were whispering among themselves about two guys behaving inappropriately in the public. Oh, how he wanted to kill them for being completely blind at what they were seeing. _

_"Moyashi...!"_

_"Plwwease?" Allen smiled, and he could somehow see the devious glint shimmering in his eyes. Damn, that beansprout was playing with him! Kanda growled in fury, but he couldn't do anything with so many people here. _

_"O-Okay..."_

_"What?" Allen asked, leaning closer as he waited for his reply. _

_"OKAY, I ACCOMPANY YOU! GOT IT?" Kanda snapped loudly in irritation as he pulled his hands off his waist and walked away. The raven-haired man shot dark glares at the crowds of people who instantly backed away, letting him through. _

_"Yay! Thanks so much, Kanda!" Allen exclaimed in happiness as he ran in front of him, leading the way. He wondered what was it that made the beansprout extremely excited, and when they arrived, his mouth almost dropped to the ground in slight horror as he stared blankly at the food store selling sweet desserts._

_That beansprout just wanted to eat...mitarashi dangos? _

_"I really want to kill you this instant, Moyashi..." He muttered._

_"What? Wait for me here, Kanda. I will be back!" Allen said and sprinted into the food store, looking at the menu above in eagerness. Minutes later, he walked out with a least twenty sticks of mitarashi dangos in his hands. He munched some in his mouth as he offered some to him. _

_"No thanks," Kanda said, pushing them away. _

_"Why? They are so nice! You should try some!" Allen remarked as he held the sticks of the sweet dangos up to him again. _

_"I said I do not want it! Which word in the sentence do you not understand, Moyashi? Or perhaps you do not understand English at all? Need me to speak to you in Japanese?" Kanda questioned in sarcasm. _

_"But this food store sells the nicest mitarashi dangos in town! Seriously, you are missing too much, Kanda. You really need to eat more."_

_"Hmph. I am eating just fine. You are the glutton who eats too much," Kanda scoffed as he stared disgustingly at his mouth which was completely filled with the sweet, sticky dessert. The silver-haired teen swallowed everything down his throat and frowned in displeasure._

_"I am not a glutton!"_

_"Yes, you are."_

_"No, I'm not!"_

_"Says who when he finishes extra large portions of food every day."_

_Before he knew it, something was stuffed into his mouth. As Kanda gradually tasted the sweet paste of the mitarashi dango which were slowly melting inside, he glared angrily at the silver-haired teen who was currently escaping. His gaze darkened, and after he swallowed the sweet dessert, the swordsman unsheathed his sword and ran after him, swearing to God that if he did not kill this beansprout this instant, he would not be called Kanda Yuu._

Sapphire eyes widened in slight disbelief. He had come here with the beansprout once, but that was when they were at the town near to the Order. Why was it situated in this particular town, and at the very same geographical position where they had come by? Now that he thought about it, the structure of this town was a little too similar to the town which was metres away from the Order.

The raven-haired Exorcist rushed out to the main street and looked around the surroundings. Shouts and laughter echoed loudly around the large area, but why were those voices sounded rather familiar this time, as though he had heard them before? Kanda walked through the thick crowd hurriedly, focusing his attention at the front as memories began to flow inside his head once again.

_"Hurry up, Kanda!"_

_Kanda frowned in slight irritation as he brushed through the thick crowd of people who were gathering at a certain direction. Allen looked back and waved his hands to him._

_"Hurry up! The parade is going to start!"_

Kanda looked up, realising that the main street was gradually clearing and people were standing at the side, looking at a particular direction in anticipation and excitement. He stepped aside and joined the crowd, wondering what was going to happen. There were faint echoes of drums rumbling deeply in the silence, and soon, rows of people dressed as clowns came out, each having an instrument in their hands as they started playing in synchronisation with one another. All of them had distinct masks on their faces which concealed their appearances.

_"It reminds me so much of the days when I was still with Mana! I really miss those days together with him."_

He saw one particular clown dressed in full white, tapping the tambourine lightly in his hands. The metal mask he wore, the white coat which hung at his shoulders, stretching down to his knees and his white hair resembled so much of the appearance of the beansprout's Innocence, Crown Clown, as though the person he was seeing right now was none other than Allen Walker himself.

The white clown turned to him, and to his slight shock, he smiled at him.

"Yuu!"

Kanda blinked for a moment, before he turned, seeing Lavi walking towards him. The parade was soon over, and the crowds were gradually dispersing. The redhead stopped beside him, frowning in slight bewilderment.

"You seems to be in a daze just now. Anything happen?"

"No," Kanda answered, looking back as he realised that the white clown was already gone. It was already evening, and they decided to head back to the church to rest for the day before continuing their investigation tomorrow.

"The town seems pretty normal. Everyone has their own things to do. The town is completely fine to me," Lavi said, playing with his deactivated Innocence in his hand. "Though there is something which bothers me."

"What is it?" Kanda asked. The redhead just frowned slightly.

"How should I phrase this? I just...have a feeling that I have seen these people before, but I might just be imagining things."

"You do?"

"Don't tell me that you felt this as well?" Lavi questioned him in slight astonishment.

"I went to places which I have visited in the past, but the weird thing is, they are supposed to be situated in the town just a few metres from the Order, yet everything appears to be exactly the same here," The swordsman replied as he felt his head, recalling every place that he had gone today.

"That's strange. Did you come here before?" Lavi asked.

"No. This is my first time here. Furthermore, would I be so stupid to travel miles away from the Order just to come here and purchase the necessities? And somehow, they were all related to the beansprout..." Now that he thought of it, the places which seems so familiar were associated to the memories between him and Allen, as though he was walking through their past all over again.

They returned to the church just as the sky was gradually darkening. More Finders were getting delusional, and some had to be sedated to prevent them from going on a rampage. Kanda sat down on the bench, closing his exhausted eyes for a moment as memories which happened a year ago starting flooding in his mind. He winced slightly as pain started hammering at his forehead repeatedly.

"Are you alright, Yuu? You look really pale," Lavi asked in concern as he came to sit beside him, holding a bowl of food in his hands.

"Do not call me by that name," Kanda hissed in a slight weak tone, not comprehending what was going on. Why was he always seeing the faint shadow of the silver-haired teen which should not exist? This was just too much of a mere coincidence. He let out a soft groan, wondering whether he was going insane as well.

"If what you have said is true, then it is not just a simple hallucination. Someone is playing with our memories, showing us illusions to mess up our senses. What we are seeing now are not just illusions. They are _real _illusions, something which we can feel," Lavi said as John and the other Finders joined them, listening to their conversation.

"So who might be the one behind this?" John asked.

"If it is an Akuma, it must be of a higher level, probably around Level Three to a Level Four. But this Akuma is smart enough to conceal its existence completely. I cannot even detect its aura in this town at all," The bookman junior frowned as he spoke out his thoughts.

"What if it is a Noah?"

"That is definitely possible," Lavi replied.

"It may be the cause of an Innocence as well, but we still do not have enough information to prove that there might be one here," One of the Finders said as he read through the notes that they had taken down.

"But I just cannot understand why Akuma or the Noah would target this town if there is no Innocence around. What is their exact motive in doing this?" John said in slight confusion, scratching his head in frustration.

"For now, we just have to wait and see." Lavi stared at the large cross situated at the middle of the church which was shimmering faintly in the dimmed surroundings. Despite the peacefulness of this place that was shown in front of them, he had a bad feeling that something ominous would descend upon them very soon.

_xxx_

"It looks like they have succeeded in making the connection, Earl," Rhode said as she stepped out of the dimension doors she had created with her Noah powers, stopping at a chair as she smiled sweetly at the said man who was sitting at the other end of the dining table, knitting something in his hands.

"You are back, Rhode," Tyki said as he looked up from a book he was currently reading. The dark Noah wore back his black hat as he winked playfully to the blue-haired child who waved back at him excitedly. "So how is the adventure today?"

"Hmm. Not bad," Rhode answered as she tapped her chin in pondering. "But this might turn out more interesting than it should be," She replied with a cheeky grin, playing with Relo in her hands as the poor umbrella was screaming in dizziness.

"For Allen Walker?" Tyki asked in curiosity. Her smile slowly darkened as golden irises shimmered darkly in the dimmed hallway.

"No, for the Exorcists as well. Of course, Allen Walker is always the first!" She piped up childishly, skipping over to his side as she sat down on the chair, taking up her ragged dolls and started playing with them.

"It would only be a matter of time, whether the Exorcists are smart enough to solve the mystery while they are still sane, or letting Allen Walker fall into another round of despair. After all, this is their punishment for not taking care of our dear Allen well," Rhode said, her lips curving into a vindictive smile as she wrenched off an arm of her doll hardly, letting it fall lightly onto the ground.

She would let them pay for what they had done to Allen, one by one.

* * *

><p>AN: So sorry for the late update! Not much of Yullen action in this chapter, but there will be _very soon_. This chapter is essential for the recovery of Allen's memory, and it is linked to the current mission that Kanda and Lavi are currently investigating. The mysterious white clown isn't hard to guess, is it? :)

Please review! Apologies if there are spelling and grammar mistakes spotted! I have read through this chapter for two times before I post it.

**SingingBlues**


	6. The Boy in the Circus

**A/N: Hey guys! I realise that the younger Allen who still had his brown hair did not have his scar at his left eye yet, thus I made amendments in the last chapter regarding this.  
><strong>

**Other than that, enjoy the chapter!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: The Boy in the Circus<strong>

"_Time is a figure eight, at its center the city of Deja Vu"__―__Robert Brault_

_xxx_

_"Why did Papa and Mama abandon me?"_

_He heard soft sobs coming from a distance away. It was currently snowing, and people were walking on the streets with blank expressions on their faces, as though they did not hear his cries at all. _

_"Why am I born like this?"_

_The sobbing was getting louder as he walked closer to where the child might be. His boots sank deeper into the heavy snow as it started to accumulate in time. _

_"Why did they throw me away?"_

_He reached a dilapidated house which was already in shambles. It was obviously abandoned by the people a long time ago. His eyes peered at several wooden boxes placed at the extreme far corner of the place_―_a trash dump where people avoided and threw the things that they did not want. They ignored it and pretended that nothing was there, as though it was something non-existent. _

_"Why...did nobody want me?"_

_He approached the pile, looking beyond the wooden boxes. In there sat a young boy, curling tightly in a corner with only a torn shirt and shorts to protect himself from the cold. His small, petite body was trembling violently. His skin was ghastly white, and he was hugging himself with all his strength he had. There were red stains at his broken nails from his hands which was clawing onto the skin of his arms and at his lips_―_the blood that was frozen from days living in this harsh winter, and there was probably nothing left to bleed. _

_The boy slowly turned, his brown, lifeless eyes staring at him with little emotions left._

_"Save me..." He pleaded softly._

_"Save me..." _

_"Save me...!"_

Sapphire eyes snapped open as Kanda sat up abruptly, gasping between breaths. He frowned in slight absurd as he glanced at the surroundings he was currently in, realising that he was in the church. The raven-haired man stared across the benches, seeing Lavi chatting happily with John while the other Finders were preparing breakfast for the day. Kanda swallowed as he stared at his hand, seeing that same pair of brown, lifeless eyes flashing in front of his vision once again.

_"Save me...!"_

"You are awake, Yuu-chan!" Lavi shouted joyfully as he went over to his side, handling him a bowl of food. Kanda grunted as he took the bowl and started to eat.

"I told you to stop calling me by that name."

"This again? Why? It is such a cute name!" Lavi replied with a grin. A vein snapped instantly and Kanda turned to stare at him darkly. The redhead blinked hesitantly as he began to step back, his instincts telling him that the person in front of him was going to do something disastrous to him.

"What did you say, Lavi?" He asked in a soft yet eerie tone.

"H-Huh?" Lavi laughed awkwardly as he stepped further back. The bookman junior excused himself immediately and ran to where the Finders were, keeping a safe distance between the both of them. Kanda had the intention to grab Mugen and shred him into million pieces, but for some reasons, he did not have the mood to do so. The raven-haired man let out a soft sigh as he sat down, finishing up the bowl of food in his hands. He peered at the faint golden rays penetrating through the glass panes. His hand slowly reached out, feeling the warmth which was gradually entering his skin.

Unlike now, it was extremely cold in that dream. And in that dream, he was there.

After eating his breakfast, Kanda set off to the town. John said that he would join him shortly, and Lavi...well, he did not care what that idiotic redhead would be planning to do for the whole day. The raven-haired man stopped by the entrance of the town, seeing the bustling street and people going through their activities as per normal. He grimaced slightly, shading his face as the wind rushed past his shoulder.

Suddenly, the young version of Allen running on the same street flashed in his mind. Sapphire eyes slowly opened, staring at the crowds of people in silence. His feet somehow moved on their own and he was walking inside the town, staring at the surroundings―the stores, the stalls at the roadside, the adults who were chatting among themselves, the children who were running all over the place, laughing loudly. He stopped at a particular shop selling crystals, staring at the shimmering silver ornaments beneath the glass panes.

_"So beautiful! I want it!" _

His hand slowly reached up and touched the smooth surface of the glass, peering at the silver crystal shaped like a bear as several visions came to his mind.

_"Do you like it?" _

_"Mmn!" _

_"Shall I buy it for you?" _

_His smile gradually faded as he just shook his head._

_"No, it's okay."_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm scared that I would break it. I am content seeing it here, protected by the glass panes. Furthermore, I can always come here to take a look!" A wide grin then appeared on his face._

"M-Moyashi?" Kanda whispered, his eyes widening in realisation. His heart thumped uncomfortably―a reaction from his body telling him that something was definitely amiss. The raven-haired man turned around quickly, and as he stared at the crowds of people walking by, a familiar shadow caught his eye. Time seems to slow down at this moment, enough for him to catch a glimpse of the small teenager who had the same appearance as the midget he knew.

Sapphire eyes widened in horror.

Kanda rushed out to the main streets, searching frantically for that particular shadow which slipped within the thick crowds seconds ago. He pushed himself across the crowds, trying to reach out for that faint silhouette in front of him which was gradually slipping away. To his frustration, the number of people seems to be increasing, as though they were preventing him to go to that particular person. Kanda growled in anger as he shoved them aside, finally stepping out of the crowd, but that shadow had already vanished.

He hissed under his breath. Kanda peered at the dark alley beside him, wondering what he should do now. It was already strange that he was seeing that person even though he shouldn't be here.

"Kanda-dono?"

It was John. He was wondering when this Finder was going to contact him.

"Have you found anything?" He asked, leaning against the dirty wall as he watched the town.

"Not at the moment, but we are still searching. How about you?"

Kanda frowned, staring at the sun hanging at the blank sky.

"I―" His voice gradually trailed off as he stared at the fluttering black golem blankly.

_"Really? Can I really participate in the circus's activities from now on?" _

His vision clouded slightly, seeing a faint shadow of the brown-haired boy who was staring at someone with bright, energetic eyes, saying something to him in excitement. His eyes widened in happiness, and a large grin slowly formed on his lips as he leaped forward to that someone's embrace.

_"Thank you, Mana! Thank you!"_

"Kanda-dono? Kanda-dono, are you still there?"

Sapphire eyes widened in bewilderment, staring at the golem where the voice seems to come from. Realising that he was in the middle of a conversation with the Finder, the raven-haired man touched his face and shook his head slightly.

"Yeah. No, I haven't found anything yet. Contact me if you or the others found something."

"Yes." The line buzzed irritably for seconds, before it went dead. The raven-haired man stood there for a moment, before he started to sway unsteadily and Kanda had to grip onto the edge of the wall to prevent himself from collapsing. He drew in shallow breaths, staring at the long stretch of road as he recalled that particular scene he saw in his memory just now. Despite knowing that such assumptions which flashed past his mind were simply preposterous, he could no longer deny that the person he was seeing in his sub-consciousness was the younger version of Allen Walker, before he become an Exorcist.

So this town was...Allen's memory? It sounded utterly ridiculous, and he almost dismissed that idea without a thought, but considering the bizarre things that had happened to him, he wasn't too sure about it.

_"Save me..."_

Kanda began to walk forward. He did not know where he was going, but somehow, he just had a place he had to go to. The raven-haired man turned to the smaller street at the left corner of the town, walking up the gentler slope where there were less people around. He looked past a couple who brushed past his shoulder, seeing the road signboards which were pointing to different directions.

_"I want to perform as good as Mana!"_

He walked past a shop which was selling pretty ornaments and different kinds of equipment mainly for shows and performances. Kanda turned to the right, pacing along the narrow road only enough for one to make his way through. He then saw a large circus tent beyond his vision. Laughter and cheers were heard in the background as a large group of people were gathering. Clowns were juggling the balls up in the air, while one was attempting to blow fire with his mouth.

The swordsman came out to the other side of the main street and stopped. He peered at where the people were mostly going, hearing the familiar sounds of the circus which he saw through his memory a second ago. Kanda approached the large crowd, squeezing through the people as he stared at the circus in front of him.

"Come and help me, Allen!"

"Coming!"

A brown-haired teenager emerged out of the white tent. He looked around the surroundings, and as he found his target, a smile appeared on his face as he paced towards the clown who needed his help. Kanda slowly stopped, staring at him in absolute disbelief as he wondered whether he was still dreaming, but from that child's face features and body built which was exactly similar to the person he knew so long, he could no longer deny the horrible truth which was shown in front of him.

"You are really a smart boy, Allen! It's no wonder Mana allows you to help out at the circus!" The clown said.

"No, no! I am so glad I can be of help to everyone! It's kinda bored staying at home with nothing to do anyway..." The brown-haired teen replied, smiling sheepishly. He then left, walking back towards the tent, but suddenly, he stopped. He slowly turned, staring right at where Kanda was standing, and Kanda could only do nothing but stare back at the teen who brought so many nostalgic memories he did not want to remember. The boy then walked towards him, before he stopped a few centimetes across him.

"I haven't seen you before, mister. Are you new in this town?" Allen asked with an inquisitive look.

Kanda found himself unable to answer back.

"You are wearing a weird uniform. Are you in some organisation or something?"

Was this some kind of joke that God was showing him right now, or was he currently sane? Perhaps he was warped back to the past where Allen was before he joined the Black Order? First it was the dream, and now this? Now, he really had the urge to unsheathe his sword and stab right at his chest to check whether he was really awake, but from the lively emotions seen in that pair of brown eyes right now, he doubted that he was dreaming.

"Mister?"

He felt a light tug at his uniform. Kanda flinched, his hand slapping off whatever that was touching him by instinct. Sapphire eyes then widened at what he was doing, before he stared at the younger version of Allen who was slightly frightened by his reaction. He stared at him in silence, and for some reasons, he couldn't bring himself to hurt this child. At this, the swordsman let out a soft sigh.

"No, it's nothing."

Brown eyes just blinked, before a radiant smile appeared on his face.

"I see! I like you, mister! Since you are new here, let me show you around!" Allen exclaimed happily as he grabbed his wrist.

"W-Wait...!" Kanda felt himself being pulled away, following the trail that the brown-haired teen left as he ran into the circus tent. The raven-haired man stopped abruptly, breathing heavily as he stared at the activities going on inside in slight astonishment. The brown-haired teen turned around and faced him, flashing a big grin on his face as he spread his arms wide.

"Welcome to my circus, the place where I belong!"

Kanda just stared at the surroundings―the place where Allen Walker grew up and began his first journey after Mana picked him up on a random street. Apparently his foster father was one of the performers of this circus. The troupe was constantly travelling all over the world, and he somehow found Allen and took him along. Since then, he had been helping out here as much as he could. The raven-haired man wasn't really sure how he recalled the details rather well. He only remembered that Allen spoke to him about his past once, out of a mere whim. Not that he was interested though.

"Come on! Don't just stand here!" Allen said, grabbing his hand once again as he led the way. Kanda stared at his hand which was being held by his. It felt so warm, as though this person in front of him was real. Even though it was only an illusion of that beansprout's memory, why did everything look so real? Why did the emotions and feelings he was receiving from the other feel so real, as though he was part of this memory?

They ran into another tent, where there were several beds, a small desk to write and a drawer at the corner, and a cupboard which was probably for them to store their clothes. The raven-haired man scanned around the area and concluded that this must be the place for them to rest for the day.

"Everyone is currently busy preparing the next performance, so no one is around," Allen said, tidying up the beds which were done halfway. His hand touched the thin cloth of the tent which were partially torn and tattered. It was obvious that the circus wasn't really doing well, but life still had to go on. He peered at the cracks on the furniture, before he stared at the teenager who was now folding the clothes at the side of the bed. Kanda stared at the clothes he was wearing intently. Although they weren't in good condition, at least it was better than that time when he was stranded on the cold streets.

_"Save me...!"_

A smile lingered at his lips as his feet swung lightly in the air. Kanda found himself wondering the life that the beansprout had spent before he became an Exorcist. What had he been doing as he went on with the life he had right now? The Allen Walker he was seeing right now wasn't the silver-haired teen whom he knew. What had really happened at that particular time before he was sent to the Order?

"Hey, I haven't seen you around before. Are you a traveller?" Allen asked, peering at him as he continued folding the clothes laid on the bed. Kanda just nodded his head in silence. Well, he and Lavi were here for a mission to investigate this town, so they should be considered as 'travellers'.

"I see! It's my first time seeing a person who looks so beautiful!" The teenager laughed. Kanda let out a soft grunt as he turned away, feeling a little uncomfortable at those words coming out from him. Normally if he heard that forbidden word, the swordsman would definitely cut that unfortunate person into bits without hesitation, but that brat probably said it from his mind, and somehow, he wanted to have a normal conversation with the beansprout.

"So you are a Japanese?"

"Yeah."

"I'm a British! As I traveled with Mana around the world, I come to love the different cultures in different countries, and I love Japanese culture the most. Oh, I love eating Japanese soba!" Allen exclaimed with a smile.

"You have good taste, Moyashi," Kanda answered with a smirk when his favourite dish was mentioned.

"Moyashi...?" Allen raised his eyebrow in slight confusion.

"It means the beansprout."

"Beansprout...! Hey, I'm already fourteen, going to fifteen in a few months' time!" Allen answered, frowning in displeasure. For the first time, Kanda felt like laughing at the comical face that the teenager was showing. Allen seems to notice his intention and his frown deepened as he stared at him unhappily.

"So why are you here, mister? Do you have anything you need to do here?"

The small smirk slowly faltered as he pondered on his question. It was supposed to be investigating on the strange phenomenon happening in this town which was causing weird behaviours from the Finders who were passing by, but when he walked past the shops and stores that he and Allen had somehow visited once, and met the younger version of Allen Walker right in front of him, Kanda knew that this wasn't just a mere coincidence.

_No!_

_Run, Mana! Get away from me! _

_Get away from me, Mana! PLEASE!_

_No...no!_

_NO!_

Sapphire eyes widened as his hands gripped at the sides of the chair tightly. He could hear his horrifying screams within his ears, echoing repeatedly in his head. Kanda hissed as he touched his forehead, feeling slightly dizzy and light-headed. Allen had once told him how he killed his foster father by his own hands, but why was he able to see that particular vision when it happened?

"Mister?"

The raven-haired man looked up at the brown-haired teen who was leaning a little too close to him.

"You look pale. Are you alright?" Allen got out of the bed and walked towards him, his hand touching his forehead in concern. Kanda stiffened at the gentle and warm touch descending upon his face as he stared at Allen with wide astonished eyes. Their gazes met, and both of them stared at each other in silence for a moment. His slender fingers continued to caress his cheeks, fondling with his raven strands between them in slow movements. His warm breaths glossed through his lips in the slightest touch. Sapphire eyes slowly widened in shock, and Kanda turned away immediately.

"I'm...I'm sorry!" Realising that he was bringing discomfort to the other, Allen stepped back and apologised. Kanda did not answer, his face continuing to look away as he stared at the cloth of the tent which was moving slightly due to the incoming wind. His hand slowly reached up to his chest, feeling the fast and solid beats of his heart echoing heavily in his head. He could not erase away the strange feeling he had towards Allen which was gradually attracting him.

"I'm sorry... I do not know why I did that either..." Allen muttered softly, biting his lip in frustration. "Just... I find you a little familiar, like I have seen you somewhere."

Sapphire eyes widened.

"But for someone like me to be able to know you, that would be...impossible. Right?" He whispered as his gaze drifted to the ground.

His frown slowly deepened in...irritation?

"Why?"

Allen looked up and stared at Kanda who was staring back at him in a serious gaze. The raven-haired man slowly walked up to him, his hand caressing his chin lightly.

"What makes you think...that you might not know me?"

* * *

><p>"What..." Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen stumbled in his footsteps and nearly fell onto the floor. He felt his forehead as he stared at the ground in confusion and slight dizziness, wondering what the voice which was echoing softly in his head just a second ago was. The silver-haired teen shook his head to clear out his mind, before he continued his way to the cafeteria to grab a bite.<p>

He pushed the doors and stepped inside. It wasn't surprising to find so little people in here. Most of them―Exorcists or Finders―were out on missions. Allen stopped at the front of the stall, his eyes reading the menu above. He could have just ordered immediately as he had already memorised what was in the menu―he just felt slightly bored and had nothing to do. The silver-haired teen stared ahead blankly, his mind counting the days which the Exorcists had gone for their respective missions.

Lenalee had just left for her mission a few days ago, and she wouldn't be back within weeks. Lavi and Kanda were gone for three months, and he was starting to wonder when the two of them were coming back. Frankly, he did not expect a mission to be taking so long. The olive-haired girl had once explained to him that there wasn't really any deadline to finish the mission, so as long as they retrieved the Innocence. It might take days, or as long as a year or more.

Or forever? Allen swallowed slightly as he stared at the ground. His hands slowly clenched as he tried chasing away this strange yet uneasy feeling he was getting for these few days.

"Allen? Do you want to order something?" Jerry asked from the counter. Allen looked up, and just as he opened his mouth, he stiffened. Something seems to be stuck at his throat, and somehow, he did not have to mood to eat all of a sudden.

"It's...okay, Jerry-san. I'm just here to take a walk," The silver-haired teen said with a smile. The large-built cook just raised his eyebrow. Allen turned and was about to walk back to his room when the chef spoke.

"Don't worry. They will be back."

Silver eyes widened as he stopped in his footsteps.

"Aren't you worried for them?" Jerry asked. Allen wondered that as well. He had only met them recently, so why was he so anxious about them? Even though he couldn't remember anything about them, why would his heart wrench slightly at that particular thought that they might be injured somewhere?

"Maybe I am. Maybe I am...really worried about them," Allen replied without turning his head. He stepped out of the cafeteria, and he did not stop until he reached the empty dojo where he met Kanda during his training session. He slowly pulled the wooden door aside, feeling the rush of the wind as he faced the empty room in front of him. Allen went inside, and as he stared at the walls surrounding him, he couldn't help but feel a slight tinge of loneliness standing in this large space.

He wondered whether Kanda felt this way as well.

Allen sat down at the other end of the dojo, opening the door to reveal a small garden. The environment was tranquil and so peaceful―an ideal place to clear out your mind and relax completely. He now had a slight idea why the raven-haired man loved to stay here for most of his time when he was in the Order. Silver eyes peered at the ceiling as his hand felt the roughness of the mat gently. He leaned against the door slightly as he closed his eyes, feeling the strands of his hair brushing across his face lightly.

_"Why do you keep coming back?"_

His eyebrows furrowed as he saw Kanda sitting at the same position where he currently was, looking at a particular direction.

_"Why can't I come here?"_

_"You are a nuisance."_

_"Am I?"_

He heard a soft grunt and nothing more. The appearance of the raven-haired man was getting clearer―so close that he could literally touch his long strands of raven hair. That pair of cold sapphire eyes was staring intensely at him. A hand slowly caressed his face, and he could exactly feel the warmth radiating from him.

_"No. I come to see you, Kanda." _

Unknown emotions he could not identify seem to flow in that pair of eyes. Kanda just continued to stare at him, not making any actions to what he was currently doing, as though he already knew that he would be here, and the intention for coming.

Silver eyes snapped open as Allen gasped, staring at the front in shock. He slowly stared at the same hand which had once touched the other's face in slight disbelief. His head hurt, yet the only thing which was bothering him right now was that memory he just remembered seconds ago. Surprisingly, it hurt, and his heart somehow wrenched slightly at this foreign yet painful feeling he got from the reminiscence.

He stared at the clock, realising that it was time to go. Allen stood up and walked out of the dojo, proceeding his way to the gates to meet the stranger in the town. The silver-haired teen paced down the path leading to the entrance as he entered the town which was bustling with people as usual. He stopped and looked around, before he spotted the familiar figure dressed in white leaning against the wall.

They chatted among themselves as usual, but he wasn't really listening to the conversation. The face of the raven-haired man continued to flash in his mind, and he could not ignore the unbearably warm feeling surfacing whenever he was thinking of that person. No matter how he thought of it, it wasn't right. They were supposed to be enemies. That irritating bastard would find anything to mock him. There was simply no way he would treat this person this gently. He firmly believed it, yet his memory was telling him the complete opposite.

"Allen?"

Allen blinked as he looked up at the white figure. They stopped in the middle of the street.

"You seems to be distracted today. What had happened?" He asked in concern.

"No, it is nothing," Allen murmured softly, taking a deep breath in order to calm his heart down. It was impossible. He hated him, thus he wouldn't treat him this way. It was just wrong. Totally wrong.

_"Do I look like one who would shake hands with someone...cursed?"_

"Bastard," Allen breathed as he frowned. He shivered slightly at the bypassing wind. The silver-haired teen looked up, staring at the blank white sky in silence. Somehow, it felt nostalgic, as though something had happened to him in the past when the weather was like this. His eyes softened as he stared at the floating clouds which passed by.

_No!_

Silver eyes widened.

_No, you can't be doing this to me! No!_

_NO!_

"Allen!"

His head was spinning, and before he knew it, he was slowly falling forward to the ground. He heard that desperate voice calling out to him once again. Someone was in front of him at that time, but he wasn't able to see his face at all. He just continued to scream hysterically, and he did not answer back. And whenever he heard his voice, his chest clenched, so tight that he could not breathe properly.

"Are you alright, Allen?" A hand reached out and grabbed his waist before he fell. He felt himself being pulled to his feet, but his vision turned somehow blurred and unclear. He stared at the white clown whose face looked slightly funny, and as he blinked, he felt something wet streaming down his face.

"Allen...you...you are crying?"

Silver eyes widened as he touched the tears which had fallen, shocked. The face of Kanda flashed in his mind again. He shut his eyes, not understanding anything. Why would this happen whenever he was thinking of that arrogant swordsman?

And why did it hurt so much?

"Let's find a place to sit down and talk about it, shall we?" The clown suggested. The silver-haired teen said nothing as the adult led him to the nearest cafe which was just a few metres away from where they were. After finding a table for themselves, the white figure went to get drinks, while Allen just sat there, staring at the front in a daze. The clown then came back a few minutes later, buying themselves a cup of coffee and hot chocolate.

"So, what happened just now?" He asked.

Allen stared at the surface of the hot beverage in silence.

"There is this particular person who always messes up my feelings, to the extent which I could not even understand myself."

"Why?"

Silver eyes looked up at him.

"Because he hates me."

The clown did not say anything, gesturing him to continue. Allen showed a faint smile as he began to stir his hot chocolate.

"We always bicker over the slightest thing, but from his eyes, I can tell everything. That person hates me, yet when I began to remember something from my previous memory, he always appear, and his gaze was somewhat...different," Allen explained, stopping the stirring as he took the cup and drank it. The warm and sweet beverage tasted surprisingly good and comforting, and he felt better.

"And I feel a little...weird later on."

"Weird?" The clown questioned in bewilderment. Allen looked down, a faint blush appearing on his face. For unknown reasons, recalling that pair of alluring sapphire eyes sent shivers and slight heated emotions all over him. His body was acting a bit strange whenever he was thinking of him, and he did not even want to think about it.

"Well, this must be my imagination! Hah, don't tell me there will be a time when the both of us would get along with each other!" Allen laughed loudly, shaking his head vigorously as he drank his hot chocolate from his cup again.

"So that means...you are doubting yourself? Your own memory?"

His eyes widened in shock as Allen stopped laughing immediately.

"You are doubting your past relationship with that person? That it will never happen in the way that you are suspecting it to be?" The clown asked again, staring at him in a serious gaze. Allen did not know what he should answer. Doubting wasn't really the exact word to use in this kind of situation. He just...could not believe that Kanda would show such a calm look as reflected in his memory. That guy was extremely bad-tempered and got angry easily―especially at the sight of him alone. Strings of vulgarities wouldn't be enough in their conversation. Somehow, seeing this side of Kanda made him feel slightly awkward.

"I...don't know."

He looked down at the hot chocolate which had turned slightly cold after a while.

_No, we haven't met before. _

Allen bit his lip, feeling the slight wrench at his chest once again. He hit that place which was hurting with his hand in an attempt to stop the pain, wanting to forget that particular face which was causing his body to react weirdly.

"Let's go, shall we?"

He felt a slight pull from his wrist as the white clown took his hand and led him out of the cafe. The two of them continued to walk in between crowds of people all over the street in silence. The surroundings were surprisingly quieter, and after a few minutes, Allen found himself stopping in front of a sand dunes. He turned to the adult in slight bewilderment as he went to get himself a wooden branch which was buried partially in the sand.

"Say, Allen. Are you interested in music?"

That particular word seems to hit something within him. Silver eyes blinked, not exactly understanding what he really meant by that sentence. The clown just smiled in reply as he lowered the wooden branch he picked up and began to draw something on it. The silver-haired teen went over to him and stared at the strange symbols he drew along the circle.

"I love music when I was young, and this is one of the music pieces that I deeply love," He said, drawing the last weird thing which looked like a typical beansprout he once tried when Jerry cooked the soup for him.

"It is called _Tsunaida te ni Kiss Wo_, also known as 'Musician'."

Silver eyes widened slightly, though Allen had no idea why he reacted this way. Something in this so called music was drawing him in, as though he should know about this very well. He squatted beside the drawing, slowly touching it lightly with his fingers.

_Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita_

He froze, his eyes widening in shock.

_Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo_

_Hitotsu..._

_Futatsu to_

The white clown stepped forward, stretching out his arms as his voice echoed loudly in the surroundings with the accompaniment of the wind.

_Ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao_

_Daichi ni taruru ikusen no_

_Yume, yume_

His mouth slowly opened on its own, and as tears found its way down his face, he started to sing as well.

_Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni_

_Umare ochita kagayaku omae_

_Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga_

_Ikutsu inori wo_

_Tsuchi e kaeshitemo_

.

_Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru_

_Douka konoko ni ai wo_

_Tsunaida te ni KISU wo_

.

_Soshite bouya wa nemuri ni tsuita_

_Ikizuku hai no naka no honoo_

_Hitotsu futatsu to_

_Ukabu fukurami itoshii yokogao_

_Daichi ni taruru ikusen no_

_Yume, yume_

.

_Gin no hitomi no yuragu yoru ni_

_Umare ochita kagayaku omae_

_Ikuoku no toshitsuki ga_

_Ikutsu inori o tsuchi e kaeshitemo_

.

_Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru_

_Douka konoko ni ai wo_

_Tsunaida te ni KISU wo_

.

_Watashi wa inori tsuzukeru_

_Douka konoko ni ai wo_

_Tsunaida te ni KISU wo_

His voice was gradually drowned by the wind as he stopped singing. Allen peered at the blank sky for a moment, before he closed his eyes and collapsed. The clown caught the light, petite body into his arms, and as he gazed at the silver-haired teen, he couldn't help but hug him closely to him.

_I'm sorry, Allen. But I have to do this._

_In order to get the real you back._

* * *

><p>Brown eyes slowly widened at that sentence as the teenager stared back at Kanda in astonishment who was holding his chin such that he was seeing him directly. Sapphire eyes also widened at the realisation of what he had just said. Kanda released his hand immediately and stepped back, putting a safe distance between the two of them. He then wondered why he said that all of a sudden.<p>

"Umm...you know...me?" Allen asked hesitantly, pointing to himself.

"Just ignore what I have just said," Kanda said quickly as he walked away. Allen followed him behind.

"Then why would you say that? Do you know me, mister?"

"NO, I don't know you! Why would I get acquainted with a short beansprout like you!" The raven-haired man stopped suddenly and turned around, snapping at him. Allen gasped in surprise as his entire body crashed onto the other. Kanda blinked in slight surprise, his hands reaching out by reflex as he grabbed the teenager by his shoulders. A soft groan was heard as Allen slowly looked up at him in a saddened pout.

"You are so mean, mister. I am not a beansprout! I am already fourteen!"

Sapphire eyes widened slightly. As they stood close, he could faintly pick up a particular sweet scent from the teenager which smelt exactly the same as the older Allen whom he knew. It was refreshing, and it was the only thing that was drawing him to the current silver-haired teen. The raven-haired man slowly moved closer to him, taking a deep breath of the scent at the side of his face. Memories began to flow as images of Allen Walker flashed in his mind.

"M-Mister?" Allen asked.

Despite how much he wanted to deny, he missed this scent and the usual voice of Allen―that soft and gentle tone which would always bring a soothing feeling when he was talking to him.

"No, it's nothing." Kanda pulled away, realising that he had been too careless all these while―revealing too much of his emotions towards someone he did not know. Not that he did not know him but...he wasn't him. He had his shadow, that appearance, that particular scent, that smile, but...he wasn't him.

"Aah, I have forgotten that I need to report to Tom for the training!" Allen slapped his forehead as he gasped loudly. Kanda stared at the sun which was already shining glaringly in the afternoon sky, realising that he too had been wasting too much time here. As he turned and was about to walk off, something grabbed his wrist, stopping him in place. His eyes widened slightly as he turned around, facing the teenager who seems reluctant in letting him go.

"Would you...come here again?"

He knew that it was not necessary to come back here again. The fact that Allen Walker appeared here must be caused by an unknown source, and most of them were confused by the illusion that was shown in front of them. He had to find it before it was too late. And...the Allen who was facing him was only a shadow in his memory. He knew all of these, and had wanted to tell him, but somehow, those words couldn't come out of his throat.

"Maybe."

He wondered why he told him that. He would not be meeting him again. So...why?

A bright smile slowly appeared on his face as Allen nodded his head vigorously. He felt the grip loosening at his wrist as the teenager gradually let him go. The swordsman turned and started walking towards the exit, only to hear the voice of the other at the back.

"What is your name, mister?"

Kanda stopped, turning back to stare at the teenager in slight astonishment. That smile reminded him so much of what had happened way before Allen lost his memory, and this one definitely looked happier―before he became an Exorcist.

"My name is Allen Walker! Mana gave this name to me! What's yours?"

His mouth parted slightly, silent for a moment. Even though he knew he shouldn't, he wondered why he said it.

"Kanda...Yuu."

That pair of brown eyes shimmered as he shouted.

"Let's be good friends, Kanda!"

Kanda stared at him, and as he heard that same voice which called out his name once again, he found himself gradually lost in that pair of deep brown eyes which had never looked so alive before.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey everyone I'm really sorry for the late update! I have started working and whenever I came back from work, I am so tired that I couldn't think of anything. I hope that this chapter and the story still attracts you all to read on. I have checked for grammar and spelling errors, but do tell me if there is any!

This chapter is about Kanda meeting Allen in his younger days. He definitely wasn't an illusion. He does not exist, but he was real in a way. From how the chapter progresses, you all may have already guessed what exactly is happening in that particular town Lavi and Kanda were in.

And so, please review!

**SingingBlues**


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